Hi everyone 🌸
I don’t know where else to go or who to share this with, so I’m posting here. I’m feeling really sad right now and just need someone to talk to or help lift my spirits.
Today was supposed to be my first wedding anniversary with my husband. It was meant to be a celebration, a day full of happy memories. But instead, I found out that he had been secretly talking to other girls online and was planning to buy nude pictures from them. Thankfully, he didn’t go through with it, but the woman he was dealing with started blackmailing him, which is why he told me.
He lied a lot about it at first, trying to cover everything up, but eventually he couldn’t and confessed.
I honestly feel like it might be my fault because we haven’t been very intimate these past few months. I’ve been struggling with anxiety, but he didn’t know because I never told him. I’ve been having panic attacks and crying almost every night. I didn’t want to tell him because I didn’t want to be a burden. I also didn’t want to go to therapy because we can’t afford it, so I’ve been keeping everything to myself.
Now my body is reacting too. Every time we try to be intimate, it hurts, and I don’t enjoy it. My desire has also decreased, and I often reject him.
I don’t know what to do right now. This isn’t the first time, it’s the third time he’s done something like this. I’m so hurt, not only because of what he did but because he lied to me. At the same time, I keep blaming myself.
I’ve been having dark thoughts, and it’s scaring me.