u/Happy_Duty_2955

I just needed a little bit of a vent/comfort moment on here lol, I found this sub while lurking online, and it's ended up being very therapeutic for me, so I'd thought I'd get some support from some strangers who know what it's like. I dated my SO for around 1.5 years, and it was a great relationship, like truly nothing bad at all, and it was the best relationship I ever had. He was manic when we met (I have a lot of bipolar ppl in my life so I could tell, but I didn't think it was gonna be serious so I was just going w the flow lol) and we solidified our relationship when he calmed down. Now, he went into another manic episode, and this time it was a worse one. We had broken up around four times last time, it never stuck, but this time he broke up with me out of the blue and hasn't spoken to me for around 6 months now. He says things to his mom when she asks, and he never gives a straight answer. Because of the length of this episode (he's unmedicated) and because of the timing and some not the best information I got from his mom, I thought he was out of it and ready to talk. He had also said something very mean, which I had heard about and I was in a very vulnerable place, so I went to his house. He locked the door to his room, wouldn't come out, and screamed that I was a test from God. I know that this is not the man I fell in love with, and I know he'll come back down and he'll be himself again, but I just miss him so much, every day. And it's been 8 months in the episode now, no contact for 6, and I don't know I'm starting to feel very much hopeless. I'm not in a place right now to make any long term decisons, it just sucks because it's no one's fault (except maybe his bad psychiatrist lol). And I know this isn't who he wants to be, and my heart hurts so much because of the situation, and for him when he comes out of it. He won't even say my name, refers to me as 'they', won't acknowledge anything. It's like a brick wall has taken over him, and I feel very helpless because theres nothing I can do. He won't take meds when he's manic, so the only thing to do is to wait it out, and we'll see what happens. I feel like he doesn't care and it switched overnight (literally it did, the last thing he said before he broke up w me was 'I'll never leave you") and I still can't wrap my head around how that can change so quickly and be this solid for 6 months (logically I do, but emotionally...) Anyway, I guess I just need some hopecore of good situations tbh