My (21F) boyfriend’s (19M) mom just remarried after getting into a 1-month relationship and things at home are getting concerning. Need advice.
I (21F) am dating my boyfriend (19M), and we’re trying to navigate a really confusing situation with his mom. Also sorry this is so long I just want to make sure I fully explain the situation.
For context: my boyfriend’s mom had four kids with her ex-husband. They divorced after a not-so-healthy relationship, and he passed away a few years later.
Recently, she met a man at her job and, about a month before their wedding, started dating him. She claims they’ve known each other for over three years, but it seems like they mostly just worked at the same place and didn’t really have a relationship until recently.
She told me about the relationship and asked me not to tell her son. I ended up telling my boyfriend because I felt he needed to talk to her directly. He did a few days later, and that’s how he found out.
We started looking into it and found two Instagram accounts for the man. We also learned he is in his mid-30s, while my boyfriend’s mom is in her mid-50s. We’re unsure how to feel about the age gap, especially since we’re both in college and even small age gaps feel significant at our stage in life.
Less than two weeks later, she announced they were getting married in her backyard. My boyfriend was across the country, but he flew back because it was his mom’s wedding and he didn’t want to miss it, even though he had never met the man before.
They got married, but afterward his siblings and my boyfriend were constantly being asked what was going on because no one really understood the situation.
It has now been about a month since the wedding.
Recently, my boyfriend came home for college. One incident that added to our concerns was when his mom left an important once-in-a-lifetime family event a day early because her husband had work and needed to sleep. It was a moment that felt like no parent should miss, and it raised some concerns for us.
Another layer to this situation is that her husband is a foreign national whose visa expires in about two years, which would line up with the time they are reportedly planning to pursue a K-1 visa process. He is also a very private person who does not share much about himself. All we really know is that he is originally from a developing country and has described having a difficult and unstable family background.
Since then, we’ve noticed changes at home:
-His younger brother hasn’t left the house in about four days because he can’t drive
-His mom only comes home briefly (around 30 minutes) before going back to her husband’s house because he is uncomfortable staying at their home
-The house is now messy and unkempt, which is very unlike how it used to be
We’re really confused about what to do. We feel too young to take his brother out of the situation ourselves, and we don’t know if talking to his mom will help or make things worse.
As his girlfriend, I don’t know what role I should play, but I’m watching my boyfriend’s only remaining parent become distant and what looks like neglectful toward the two kids still living at home.
Any advice would really help.