This is primarily geared towards people who started suspecting and/or got diagnosed late teens and early adulthood (or later?) but id appreciate input and comment from anyone!
The best way I can describe my experience is that I have entirely different fully formed identities but they all feel like ME, i do not feel like different people but the difference is night and day between some.
different interests, hobbies, moral positions, speech, thought patterns, personalities, etc.
its like depending on my current situation in life i have a central identity but older versions of me come out like a complete mindset shift at random or when triggered by something important to that identity i once held, but theyre not as prominent as the main one in that point in time ig?
the split between the identities is extremely distinct and while there's some main overlaps as i feel like one person and all, its not just as if liking a different aesthetic in one moment to the next. i can tell when i feel like a different version of myself immediately. its a complete mindset and thought shift.
while i say all these identities feel like me there was a period of time where i was what i consider a completely different person. i was trans masculine although i am firmly cisgender female now. i did not and do not experience gender dysphoria but a part of that identity was central to feeling more in line with male than female. I do not remember very much at all from this period of time but idk if id go as far as considering it amnesia. ive always considered this my alter ego of sorts separate from myself and not aligning with the other identities i feel like are definitively me. there's times i slip into identity especially online but never fully, its weird.
i have almost complete childhood amnesia, and quite frankly terrible memory overall but i dont have any blackouts. its like when a central identity is no longer central the memories just fade into obscurity, but there's some mindsets in which some memories are easier to recall.
ive only began to really think hard about this and come to these conclusions the past couple months because i graduated early and live on my own now and im confronted with my perception of myself.
im not prone to neuroticism currently but i still deal with transient paranoia when stressed, depersonalization, and derealization. ive never been very rooted in reality although ive learned to regulate myself to where its not a negative impact on my life
that being said im in a fantastic place and life and im probably the happiest person i know regardless of which "identity" i assume. this is more my own thing to try and understand myself and get ahead of the curve on if this will cause me any mental strain because the realizations are all packing on at once
has anyone related to this experience? does this align with dissociative disorders or is there a different direction i should look in? id love to hear any similar experiences and absolutely any comments on it
im NOT looking to self diagnose! just curious if this aligns with others experiences because its such a diverse blanket diagnosis that can manifest in many different ways.