Hello.
I’m looking for insight into themes of freedom, autonomy, isolation and vocation around in my birth chart.
A recurring pattern in my life is that I’ve often lived within other people’s expectations or circumstances that felt “safe” but limiting. This had lead to total loneliness (besides connection with my partner who is also not communicating with anybody; but for me it is a harsh side of life and for him it is totally comfortable). I’m trying to understand why independence and loneliness topics feel so important for me. Why can't I manage being alone.
Another important theme is visibility. I have a strong inner need to be seen (almost in terms of "shine") and to have a meaningful public role. I often feel painful frustration because I don’t have a niche place where I can fully express myself and be valued for it.
The main questions I’d like to explore are:
What placements or aspects in my chart may describe struggle with living on my own terms?
Are there indicators of loneliness, emotional isolation, or difficulty finding a true sense of belonging?
What in the chart could describe the need for being recognized?
Is there anything that points to whether this recognition is likely to happen? Will it be in my homeland or abroad? (It is important to notice, that I left my country because thought that I can never get what I want there. I now have mixed feelings about that decision (mostly tend to think it was wrong but trying to manage my emotions of sadness). But as for now my plans are connected with abroad at least for several years)
What parts of the chart suggest a way out of problems which I've pointed?
I’m especially interested in how this connects to career and identity. I chose a practical path early in life (software development), but it feels SO disconnected from who I really am. I’m drawn to more abstract and intellectual work and currently do everything needed to progress here. Yet I often feel trapped by the idea that I can only survive through the “safe” role I already have.
I understand that what I've written looks like sort of psychological issues. I honestly tried to work with these (even with a kind of mystic who said I can try to look into sort of healing occupation, whatever it meant) directly from psychological side. But still didn't get any sound results. As for now I think I need to cut some deep painful restrictive bonds which are not visible for my consciousness. I think astrological view can also help to abstract. I’d appreciate any help on working with chart.
P.S. Hope I have provided enough data and the data is not messy.