u/Happy_Platypus_1882

Just please someone respond, it’s pathetic of me to beg but I’m desperate at this point

I’ve been alone for about as long as I can remember. Early childhood I had a normal life but then we moved and it all went away. I lost everyone. I gained a friend, lost them, gained a new friend, etc. But in the end I always end up alone. Not even my parents were really there for me. It hurts so much. Every day lately the loneliness gets so loud I almost feel like I can’t breathe. For a long time I thought I wanted a romantic relationship but now I realize I just want someone who loves me and holds me and won’t yell at me. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up, the only friend I have left im codependent with and we only get angrier and angrier at eachother. I don’t have a support system anymore, they were the last straw holding me together and now it takes everything in me not to cry because I know I’ll go for hours and it would be annoying. I tried calling a crisis line and they just went down a stupid checklist and didn’t even seem to be listening to me. It’s like no matter what I do no one cares about me. I mean I even posted something on Reddit and no one has responded. 250 people saw that post and not a single person replied or even upvoted it. I feel sick, I don’t know how much longer I can keep going in this isolation without anyone hearing me or seeing me. I haven’t been outside in months and the longer I stay here the more the loneliness comes back, just like it did when I first lost everyone. It eats away at me until there’s a massive gaping hole and I can do nothing but stay in bed thinking about how miserable I am. I want to be held so badly that sometimes I go to ai roleplaying apps just to pretend someone loves me and it only ever makes me feel worse. I have months until I’m around people again and I don’t know if I can stand that much time like this, there’s not much I can really do about it either