Between being a FTM, having what feels like a difficult child, no support, and wild pp PMS, I am struggling. Nearly every day has me in tears.
My son is 16mo, my husband WFH, we have no family (literally, I feel like an adult orphan), I’m trying to make the most of mom group where I’ve made a few friends, I never get a meaningful break (because we have no one to watch our son), I don‘t have the slightest idea how to mother a toddler but desperately want to be the calm/warm/safe mother I never had and STRUGGLING to even make breakfast without getting overstimulated/angry and having a panic attack.
Every day is a matter of survival. I rarely go through my day confidently, knowing what I can and should be doing, how to interact with my child in a healthy, positive way, and how to manage my household. Every day is a cycle of very loud toddler, me in tears, the house is a mess, and I still have to figure out what to cook for dinner and feed everyone.
My son is old enough I feel like I should have some of this figured out by now, but I do not.
I get not every day can be great (or even good) but I can remember one day in the last several months where I could honestly say to my husband at the end of the day, “we had a good day today”.
Sometimes I really think sending my son to childcare at least for a few hours a week would help me tremendously, but then I ask myself “why am I a stay at home mom if I’m gonna send my kid off to childcare at all?”
I get that it’s valuable and necessary for some people, and I’m “fortunate enough” that I can stay home with my son because my husband has a well enough paying job (barely in this economy). But I believe it’s my job/responsibility to raise my child not someone else’s.
There are a ton of layers to this that I won’t bore you all with. I am looking for a therapist I vibe with because I think it will be very good for me. But I guess I just want to know that it’s not just me, and hear some stories for perspective.
I’m realizing this might not even be a SAHM problem but a matter of circumstance. Regardless, it feels relevant to this thread.