Hey everyone. I know I’m opening up my personal story to the internet, but I’m hoping to have some mothers or soon to be mothers chime in, as I’d love your advice. Just wondering if others are going through growing pains with certain friendships.
I (29) was at a bachelorette trip in Florida when this happened. This all happened at the beach on the first day of a 5 day bachelorette trip for my friend (29) we will call her Stephanie. The conversation at the beach literally went from the other girls asking me about motherhood and me talking about how excited I am to be a parent and just talking about that for awhile. They were asking about baby names and we were having a great conversation. Then the convo switches to the girls talking about how they’ve had painful abortions. That bothered me a little bit, but I wasn’t gonna say anything. I just removed myself from the convo and put my hat over my head. Then the bride, Stephanie, continues to say “I used to want to be a parent, but it’s so hard right now with the world. I would never wanna bring any child into this world right now. It’s terrifying” then she also said “I have a theory- that people who have kids always pressure others to have kids because they want others to be miserable with them. I’m convinced that people who are parents are miserable. I mean childbirth seems HORRIBLE. The whole vagina rips open. Then you’re sleep deprived. But Like I want kids to bring them to Disney world but I do not want to bring them into this world” and that’s when I got up and left. She did come to apologize but then I found out it’s only because another girl told her to do so. I told her that was extremely insensitive.
A few days go by and I still haven’t received any sort of sincere apology. On the last day of her bachelorette trip, she asked me “are we ok?” And I told her I’m still trying to process everything she said at the beach, and that I’m trying to figure out why she’d say those things knowing I’m excited about my pregnancy and this next chapter. This is when shit hits the fan… she starts SCREAM crying. Mind you- we are in a living room with a few of the other girls. I tell her I don’t want to do this here but she demands we talk about it now and we go outside away from the others. She starts slamming her fist on the table saying “I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU!” Then come the excuses… at first the excuses were small “I was drunk. It’s my bachelorette party” then they start building to “because I’m on ozempic and I’m too skinny, I might not be able to have kids. My MIL and my grandma are pressuring me to have kids and they’re scared I can’t because I’m too skinny” and “I was trying to make the other girls feel more comfortable about their abortions” she also started screaming and pointing aggressively at me and getting mad at me saying “IF I DO SOMETHING TO YOU, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!!!” Pointing her finger in my face while yelling this. I calmly explained to her that this right here is exactly why I didn’t want to talk about it during her bachelorette trip, because I was afraid something like this would happen. And it’s my nightmare to ruin her final night of her trip.
The convo went in circles with her excuses again and again until I finally snapped and said “no more excuses!! Own it! Own that you hurt me” and she still gave her excuses. We ended the conversation with me saying “i need to go to bed. This isn’t good for me or the baby, and we can’t solve this tonight”
Maybe it seems small to some people but something snapped in me at that moment. She said all that, knowing I’m pregnant and happy to be a mother. It was like she was trying to hurt me or make me feel scared. Maybe I’m overreacting but when I get back from this bachelorette trip, I don’t want to be friends with her anymore or be a part of her wedding. Something in me just feels so primal now that I’m pregnant and I don’t want to be around people who are trying to make me feel bad about being a parent. In my eyes, it takes a certain type of person to say these cruel things- and sadly this is who she is. She’s said backhanded comments to me over the course of our 17 year friendship and I’ve been slowly pulling away because we are wildly different people at this point. Am I justified that this is my final straw? Any advice is welcome.