I have a teaching portfolio due in a month that I’ve basically had three years to prepare for. I started it last year really determined to be organised, then just froze progress because my brain got overwhelmed looking at it every week for a year straight. My manager sent me a passive aggressive email urging me to submit a draft, so I spent all day cramming it in like my life was on the line.
I ended up sending the draft yesterday but it’s too last minute and a lot of improvements need to be made, and now they want me to apply for extension and I feel like an absolute disappointment. Embarrassed. I’ve had three years.
All my life it’s like I need someone to threaten me at knifepoint for me to get things done. I’m still living at home (26, female) so my mum will have to continually remind me to do things until it becomes an argument of me disrespecting her. I run a small business and even when people pay me(!!) I always send out orders last minute. Sometimes I even forget about them until people message me chasing up their order. It’s horrible and honestly I should just close shop at this point.
I never send my students their resources on time, they always have to remind me via email. I am always late or last minute for report deadlines.
It’s almost as if my brain goes “well no one is complaining, so I don’t have to address the issue/do it.” And then once people are upset/disappointed/unhappy at me, I kick myself in the butt so bad.
Sorry. At this point I’m just rambling hoping for someone to relate…