r/ExecutiveDysfunction

As someone who just became an adult few years ago, I have realised that there is a lot to be anxious about, at least in life specifically. I won't go into a lot of details but I have a lot of pressure to achieve goals and I have still not learned how to deal with the stress of achieving said goals.

That being said, I have a LOT on my plate and I obviously try to divide it up into smaller achievable goals but since becoming an adult I seem to have developed debilitating anxiety, to the point where my heart starts racing and I mostly procrastinate and lie in bed and let the list of things to do snow ball.

My day usually starts with irrational thoughts where I think very negatively of the future in a "its so over" mindset, or with a "I'll never be able to do this cause I've always been X type of person". I am aware of these being negative and unproductive fixed mindsets but it's so hard not to get into this spiral and snap out of it.

I often times wonder how big executives or financial advisors, or people in high pressure jobs manage the stress.

TLDR; how do I wake up with a more positive mindset that I can achieve anything I set my mind to and be more consistent about it?

I’ve been browsing online looking at some guided journals and workbooks for getting organized that seem more friendly for people with executive dysfunction. I don’t want to order them online and have to worry about them
a) being useless
b) needing to return them (because executive dysfunction *face palm*)

I was going to try and going to a Barnes and Noble or other bookstore today.

Anyone have any recommendations?
I’m really looking for a guided workbook focused mostly on physical organization and/or digital organization that’s easy to follow and not too overwhelming.

I’d love allllllll suggestions!!!

Any you’ve had success with?

tldr; newly diagnosed with inattentive ADHD. i’ve exhausted every "normal" planner/app/productivity system and they all lead to burnout. looking for weird, non-traditional ways to manage commissions and life that actually account for my time/object/achievement blindness.

hey everyone,

i finally got my inattentive adhd diagnosis 3 weeks ago. it’s a relief to know why, but i’m finding that standard "productivity" advice is a total trap for me. at this point, i'm pretty sure my brain's motto is "if i can't see it, it doesn't exist."

ever since high school i’ve been trying to force myself into these systems; bullet journals, calendars, every app on the app store, fancy planners. every single one ends the same way: i get excited for three days, miss one, feel a massive wave of shame and then the tool just sits there as a looming reminder of failure. i’m an art student and i take commissions and trying to force a "normal" schedule on myself is just leading to burnout and killing my ability to create.

i just started on concerta. it’s helping a bit with initiation, but i’m terrified of falling back into that "over-plan and burn out" cycle. i want to build a system that works with my brain’s weird wiring, not against it.

my biggest roadblocks are these four types of "blindness":

time blindness: a 2-minute chore feels like a 3-hour, soul-crushing marathon. the dread is so heavy i just freeze.

object blindness: i literally don’t see the mess in my room. clothes on the floor are invisible until they aren't, and then i’m suddenly overwhelmed in a pile of laundry.

maintenance blindness: i struggle to register the need for repetitive tasks (hygiene, room upkeep) until it’s a crisis. i forget they need doing until it’s "too late," which makes me feel like i’m constantly failing as an adult.

achievement blindness: i don't register my own wins. i finish a big commission or project, and my brain immediately discards it like it never happened. i never feel like i've accomplished anything, just that i'm always "behind" on the next thing.

i’m done with productivity culture. if you guys have found any non-traditional, weird, or "actually works" ways to keep up with school, art, and life without turning your living space into a guilt factory, please drop them below.

how do you actually manage your brain when it refuses to cooperate? thanks so much < 3

I tried executive function coaching a while back and it didn't help me at all. Maintaining a planner and itemizing large tasks only ever feels like creating more work for myself- it's more stress, not less, and accountability check-ins feel like being on trial, especially since I grew up with a parental figure who responded to me admitting I was struggling in a way I can only describe as "culturally Catholic". I recently realized the problem is that executive function coaching (or at least the program I tried) is centered around making you assimilate to the punchcard-spreadsheet hellscape we live in, regardless of the cost to your personal well-being, and that's not something that's going to help me until I find an approach that's centered around healing. I've been reading about the potential of EMDR to help with executive functioning, and wanted to know if anyone had any firsthand experience to share, or any other guidance to provide, including around the financial aspect. I see an LCSW for regular therapy, and am planning on bringing this up to them in my next session, and potentially my primary care doctor as well since I'm seeing them soon for my annual visit anyway. I've also been reading about IFS, and would appreciate any comment on that as well.

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Basically, I have a really hard time dealing with choice paralysis, and even more so with not finishing things.

For example, I have massive backlog of games, books, shows, and movies that I want to finish, and it only continues to grow.

For the choice paralysis/executive dysfunction, because I have so many options and so many things I really want to do, I end up not doing any of them, instead resorting to comfort solutions, which makes me feel guilty.

And for not finishing things, I have countless games, books, movies, and shows that I have started and never finished. It's really disheartening because anytime I start something new, I always have in the back of my mind thoughts about how I'll probably never finish it.

A lot of people have told me that I don't HAVE do finish things if I don't enjoy them. But the thing is, I know I WILL enjoy them if I can get myself to continue with them. Rarely have I dropped something because I genuinely didn't like it, and when I do, I have no guilt, but I am dropping things that I know I enjoy and then feel really guilty about it.

So this isn't an issue with me maybe being bored of certain mediums or not being able to find something I enjoy. This is purely a problem with my brain not allowing me to continue with them.

I've tried making lists of everything and keeping a backlog in order to maybe keep track of everything better, but that seems to make it to where the only way I can finish something is when I'm able to check it off a list, and because it will be one less thing I have to worry about.

Overall, this has taken a pretty big toll on my mental health. I know it probably "isnt that serious" to some people, but in my mind it IS that serious.

I would really appreciate any advice that you guys may have.

I suspect the agitation is caused by the hypoactivity induced by my Brain Fog, Chronic Fatigue and MOST IMPORTANT: ANHEDONIA.

I guess the Ginger Ale helps me because of the Ginger inside of it.

Ginger can be bad for Anhedonics though, especially for the PSSD ones.

Maybe it's just me but I'm losing my mind a little.

Started a new job 3 weeks ago, still in probation, and of course this is when the brain fog comes back hard. Sat down this morning to write ONE Slack message — three sentences max — and 90 minutes later it's still a blank draft. I know exactly what to type. I just can't.

Every time I post or see someone post about this and the top reply is "have you tried a to-do list?" I want to scream into a pillow. Lists work for people who can start. The wall I'm stuck behind isn't "what to do" — I know what to do. It's the 0.5 second between knowing and moving. A list just sits there reminding me I'm failing.

So actually asking: what helps you when you're frozen? Not the textbook advice — like, the last time you really got off the couch when you couldn't, what worked? Anything. Weird tricks. Specific sensations. Random thoughts.

Trying to figure this out for myself before probation ends and I get found out.

Hi, all!

For some reason I can't join this subreddit's discord server and I'd love to join a server that I can just join a call, quietly, be with some people and just try to clean a little and do some tasks.

Does anyone have a link? I saw a couple shared here before but the invitation has expired. Pls lmk if anyone knows a server like that. Preferably not having to talk or turn on my camera.

Hi, I am relatively new to the community and the term executive dysfunction. For a little background: I am diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 and have been medicated since I was 15 but only have been stable for the last three or so years of my life. I am now 28 and am struggling to feel any form of motivation to keep care of myself or to cleaning my home. I shut down thinking about it. I get overwhelmed very easily and just ignore those stresses cause I just do not know what to do about all of it. I am currently on 4 medications for my bipolar disorder. I am on generics for Abilify, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, and Lamictal. I am going to see my primary doctor about the issue but wanted to hear from yall while I wait for the appointment. Is there medication or therapies that can help me with these issues? I am scared I will always have a messy home and not care for myself right. Luckily I am single and just live alone so no one is hurt by my situation but me. Thank you in advance for any words you share with me.

like body doubling combined with therapy.

New poster to this community, so forgive me if I miss some context. I’m struggling at the moment.

I struggled a lot with ED in college, but with some medication, therapy, and building strategies for myself, I ended up “getting past it” (as much as that’s possible).

But now…

We own a small house in a fairly sought-after vacation town. But we have kids and have now outgrown it.

We want to sell and move closer to family (we’re currently 3 hours + from our major support network), rent for a while, and then eventually buy something bigger once this sells and we have a down payment.

This means packing up our current place (while managing the two toddlers!) and having contractors in and out, because once we move, driving 6 hours round trip to get things done here is going to be a nightmare.

To add to the mess…

Since this is a vacation town, it’s expected that all houses come furnished when sold.

Not just couches and beds, but turn-key for someone who wants it as a second home, or to use it as an Airbnb. So…Decor. Bedding. Soap and TP in the bathroom. Pots and Pans. Silverware. A blender.

Meaning I can’t just hire movers to box everything we own and put it in storage. (And really…I can’t afford that anyway!)

That means every corner of every room, I have to make decisions about every freaking object.

Do I want it? Would the potential new owners or their guests want/need it? Is it nice enough to leave, or would the small scratch on the end table or the one chip in the one plate in the set of dishes be frowned upon?

The feeling of being judged by people who can afford our very well lived in home for “fun” and are buying it as a a second one is giving me anxiety.

Typically my husband would take a lot of the burden off of me. But he was just in an accident and is in a full leg cast. He can’t bend, stairs are difficult, and lifting anything heavy is out of the question.

I keep reminding myself that we WILL have help from family in two weeks when “moving day” comes, but I’ve helped move friends and family before.

There is NOTHING worse than showing up on moving day and finding nothing is even boxed up yet, and you only have the U-Haul for 72 hours and a whole house to sort.

I have to find a way to start making progress on this.

I’ve been lying to the family and friends who are going to help that we’ve been getting a lot done.

But besides arranging contractors for repairs and talking to our realtor…I’m burnt out already and literally want to cry when I think about how much I have to accomplish, and how quickly time is running out.

Last week I tried to make a list and separate the house into sections. Thinking it would help me get over the mental block, and maybe I could tackle a specific space for a couple hours at a time when I have time after work?

Think “cabinets in upstairs bath”, “linen closet” etc.

Keep it small and manageable, then at least I can feel like I accomplished something, and maybe that will inspire me to keep going and do more.

But then every time I have a couple hours of free time where my husband is watching the kids, our 8-5 jobs are finished for the day, and I’ve promised myself I’m going to start….

…I end up doomscrolling or just staring at a wall, filled with dread, looking for anything and everything I can do to avoid what I need to do.

Any tips? Support? Constructive criticism?

Dealing with multiple tasks feels like playing a precarious game of tetris. I'm constantly strategizing and doing the mental calculus to ration my time and energy. It's always a non-negotiable trade off: today, do I want to shower or clean my room or write an essay for classwork? I have to pick one. And so on.

Showers are especially exhausting to plan, because I know I won't have the bandwidth to shower daily, and I can't deal with greasy hair in class. So if it's, say, a Saturday, and I feel disgusting, I can't shower because I won't be able to shower again on Sunday. And then I'll be greasy on Monday. So I sit and feel disgusting until Sunday night. The overplanning makes me feel insane, especially in the intermediate period between when I first plan to do something in advance and when I do it. It's also impossible to explain to others.

Added is the shame of feeling unproductive if I don't reach some arbitrary definition of daily achievements. This "achievement" can only be met if I actually complete something (a homework assignment (just doing a reading doesn't count), a hygiene activity, or an act of service for someone else) so for most weekends when I'm in the middle of a project or process, I feel like a failure. I could spend all day cleaning half my room and I'd feel like a useless POS because I didn't "actually do" anything.

All this to say, ADHD makes me miserable. How does anyone deal with this? Or with the shame? That's not a rhetorical question. Someone please advise.

Every time I try to find a job on LinkedIn I somehow end up completely spiraling instead.

I start searching, then see posts about career advice, and suddenly feel like I’m already behind or doing everything wrong. Then I fall into researching random things instead of actually applying, and after a while the whole thing becomes so overwhelming that I just freeze and avoid it completely.

I’m realizing this happens to me a lot whenever something feels emotionally loaded or too open-ended. It genuinely makes me feel awful about myself sometimes.

I’ve tried different approaches over the years, but nothing really sticks for long.

I guess I’m mostly wondering what has personally helped other people here when you get into that “stuck/frozen” state?

Some of the tricks that I've found over time have been unreasonably effective at helping me get over some of my weirdness. I've listed some of my discoveries below. What are your ADHD organization hacks?

• Using clear storage containers. This solves the "out of sight, out of mind problem" and makes it so much easier to find things
• Having a "launch pad" area by the door with everything I need each time I leave the house. Sometimes I am reluctant to leave the house because I dislike prepping items because I feel like I'm going to forget something, so this hack helps ease this process a little.
• Keeping a running list of things I have in the fridge. I tend to forget what I have in the fridge so this helps me avoid buying 2 dozen eggs on Monday, then another dozen on Thursday because I forgot.
• Maintaining "zones" for only 1 type of activity. So I have separate and distinct areas for working only, another for exercise only, another for art hobbies only, etc. All of the equipment and material is out and ready to go, and this eases transitioning from one activity to another (especially during hyperfocus).
• trying to build my routine around Anchor + Novelty activities now... anchors are the things i repeat every single day, they build like a solid base. novelty stuff is what gives me that dopamine hit and it rotates so it stays fresh. if i miss the novelty its fine, but i really try not to miss the anchors. using Soothfy App for this and so far its actually helping me stick to it way more than any routine ive tried before. Also body doubling has been shockingly effective. I use Focus apps for important tasks after a friend recommended it and suddenly I can work for 50 mins straight without checking my phone 600 times.
• Using clear gallon sized ziploc bags that I label to hold paper documents of a single type. All of my financial related papers into one bag, health papers in another, and so forth.
• Keep a small bowl/tray in each room to hold random stuff. I have one by the entryway to hold coins, keys, receipts, and other various things. Another on my night stand to catch my hair ties, earrings that I take off before I go to bed, etc. And finally, one more in the kitchen.

Who else is like this? If I get work an hour early, that hour I am actually motivated and get things done, then during my actual 7.5 hour shift that motivation leaves like the flick of a switch. So it ends up being extremely inefficient and lots of time wasting.

Not sure how to fix it.

Going through alllll my options and pros and cons tonight.
Anyone relate? :/
Any advice?

I struggle with making even basic decisions like it’s the end all be all.
Stresses me out and makes it harder to get things done, in general.

(I struggle with executive functioning in many ways, though.
Properly nourishing myself, being able to get things done in general, hygiene, etc… etc… overwhelmed all the time)

I recently lost ANOTHER job (aka I stopped showing up to it) because I was quickly getting overwhelmed with overtime hours and being asked to come in early for 4 days in a row. Not like 30 minutes early, SEVERAL HOURS early. Because someone else was also working a double or something.

I’ve been a mess since. Overly anxious, can’t seem to get anything done, constantly cranky. This keeps happening and I’m beyond my wits end. I seem to be on the spectrum with some obsessive compulsions and lots of other weird quirks. It’s frustrating. I need to be an adult and I can’t seem to function like one. I start strong at a new job or new thing and quickly fall face first.

I don’t know guys.

Hi guys! Here are some helpful ADHD tips I learned from my psychiatrist today! This is not medical advice, just something I thought people could take nuggets away from. Feel free to adjust or correct me if I’m wrong!

1. If you take stimulants to manage your ADHD, be sure to take it 30 minutes after waking up if you don’t have coffee, and about 90 minutes after waking up if you do have coffee within that time period. This is because when you first begin waking up, cortisol spikes which gives you a bit of an energy boost. So wait to take anything that boosts your energy for a bit to maximize your energy. (I know he’s controversial, but Andrew Huberman has a podcast on this.)
2. Taking breaks between uninterrupted power sprints of work/productivity is helpful in managing productivity. Rather than allowing yourself to chase every distraction, you train your brain to know when it’s distraction time.
3. Create routines! This helps put your brain in a state where you don’t have to think too hard about decisions. This could even be something small like having pre-set outfits for each day of the week.
4. Allow your brain to “dump” itself. When you are doing a task and want to minimize distracting thoughts, jot down any thoughts that pop up and revisit them later. You’re allowing your brain a bit of room to wander while also remaining on task.
5. “Warm” your brain up to a task. Going cold turkey does not work well for most ADHD brains, apparently, so allowing yourself to ease into a task is better than jumping in and abandoning it quickly. My psychiatrist explained this as driving slowly over a speed bump rather than flooring it.
6. One "baseline task" per day. Make bed, wash 1 dish, read 1 page. These are my Anchor Activities things I do daily no matter what. But anchors alone get boring fast, especially for a low-dopamine brain. So I pair them with Novelty Activities that rotate daily something small and different each day like a 5 min walk, journaling, or a cold splash on my face. The novelty is what keeps your dopamine just high enough to stay engaged without overstimulating it. I use Soothfy for this, it builds both anchors and novelty into a personalized daily routine based on your energy level and schedule.
7. Recognize that distractions are bids for dopamine boosts. For example, stopping what you’re doing to complete a menial, non-essential task is your brain’s way of getting a quick dopamine boost rather than waiting to get the boost from completing the longer task at hand. Our brain wants something quick, but resist if possible you’ll get the boost eventually! EDIT: It doesn’t have to be a menial task! It can be anything that takes your attention away from the main task at hand to get a quick dopamine fix. I just happen to find menial tasks like laundry, cleaning, etc. something I fixate on to get those dopamine boosts quickly. I apologize for any confusion!

I hope these tips are as helpful to you guys as they are to me. I plan to build more structure in my daily routines and “warm” my brain up before attempting daunting tasks.

If you are trapped in a cycle of trying to get better then reverting to old habits

this is somewhat lengthy but it will give you much needed clarity.

....For years I thought I had a discipline problem.

I’d go through periods where I was completely locked in: 

Doing everything I planned to do, working hard, consistent, focused, training, eating properly, building momentum

finally feeling like I was becoming the person I wanted to be.

Then suddenly it would all collapse.

I’d start procrastinating again. Avoiding work. Scrolling endlessly. Staying up late. Ignoring responsibilities.

Watching myself fall back into old habits in real time.

And the strangest part was: I was fully aware it was happening while it was happening.

That’s what made it so frustrating because if you’re aware of the problem, why can’t you just stop?

I tried almost everything: Caffeine, Medications (Adderall), Psychiatrists, Pomodoro timers, blocking all distractions, Lists - choice lists, scheduled lists, All kinds of planning, Kickstart method (1, 2, 3, go), productivity systems,, motivation, consuming more self-improvement content.

Some things worked temporarily but truthfully none solved the actual issue. I kept falling back into the loop.

After reading at least 100 books trying to solve this, I eventually realized the real problem was at the identity level.

More specifically an identity conflict between two versions of me.

Part of me wanted growth but another part still identified with the old version of myself.

And those two identities were pulling my behavior in opposite directions.

Most people don’t realize this, but your behavior is heavily constrained by what you believe to be true about yourself.

To be clear, not what you SAY you believe, what you actually believe. Let me explain.

Your beliefs are not words you can just say, your beliefs are demonstrated through your behavior.

If someone told you: “I believe the floor is lava,”

but then casually stood on the floor smiling while saying it, you would find it hard to actually believe them.

Now imagine someone clinging to furniture, refusing to touch the ground, visibly panicked,
trying everything possible to avoid stepping on the floor.

Sure, you may think they are crazy, but you would know for a fact this person genuinely believes the floor is lava.

Because beliefs express themselves behaviorally.

I also learnt  that human beings rarely act out of alignment with what they deeply believe to be true, at least not for long.

That realization changed the way I looked at procrastination, inconsistency and self-sabotage completely.

Because if someone continuously avoids action, collapses after progress,
or repeatedly returns to old habits despite wanting more for themselves…

then somewhere underneath all of that are beliefs keeping those behaviors alive.

Beliefs about their capabilities, their worth, their limits, their future, success, failure, pressure, responsibility, visibility, rejection, what they are “meant” for, or who they fundamentally are as a person.

Most people try changing actions directly without realizing their actions are downstream from identity.

Which is why the changes rarely last.

You can try to force behavior temporarily.

But eventually people return to behavioral patterns that feel psychologically congruent with their identity.

In simple terms: people naturally act in ways that reinforce who they believe they are.

That’s why someone can desperately WANT success while continuously behaving in ways that destroy their progress.

Consciously they want growth.

Subconsciously the current identity still feels safer, more familiar or more true, so eventually your behavior will snap back to match it.

That’s the cycle you and most people are trapped inside.

A pure internal civil called identity conflict.

The old self fighting the emergence of the new self.

And honestly, once I saw this clearly, a lot of human behavior started making sense.

The person who says they want to get fit but repeatedly quits.

The entrepreneur who self-sabotages once things start working.

The creative who avoids creating.

The intelligent person who can never stay consistent.

The ambitious person who keeps restarting their life every few weeks.

Usually there is an internal contradiction underneath the behavior.

A conflict between desired reality and current identity.

Which means the real solution is not just “trying harder.”

The real solution is gradually updating identity itself.

Changing the beliefs that produce the behaviors.

Because once your beliefs genuinely shift, your actions will also align and start feeling more natural.

And aligned behavior is sustainable behavior.

How exactly to change beliefs and so on is deeper work that goes beyond what I can fit into one post without making this insanely long already.

My goal here was to give you some clarity so you can stop feeling like a prisoner to yourself. 

I will delve into changing beliefs and identity at another time.

But if you forgot everything you have just read, then remember this.

You do not rise to your goals long term, you fall back to your identity.

Which means if you want permanent change, eventually you have to stop only focusing on what you want…and start focusing on who you believe you are.

Hopefully this at least gives some clarity to people who feel trapped in these cycles.

Because for a long time I genuinely thought I was just broken. 

But once I understood this and attacked the problem at an identity level, everything changed FAST.