u/JkGamer248

I’m figuring out I’m still having problems with feeling like I need to do things “just right,” appear and act a certain way (which coincides with autism masking), and avoidance behaviors.

I remember when I was a kid I woke up one day feeling the need to buy my stuff again. This was when I was around 9 or 10 years old. My brother and I swapped Tamagotchi’s one day, because I liked his shell better and vice versa. I reset the device, and started anew. Next day that desire to “reset my life” was something I couldn’t ignore. I even made a currency system for how much I would earn for getting chores done, and how much my stuff would cost. I didn’t stick with it for long, but the obsessions over my belongings continue to haunt me.

It’s frustrating because logically I know this doesn’t make sense. But… well you know how OCD fucks us up. I always want to make sure I did something “just right.” My save file old or corrupt? Delete and start over. Even if I did that last week, if something feels off I start again. Which made me stop playing certain games growing up because starting over was a several hour ordeal.

I would scan the room as I was leaving it to make sure everything was in place. This was a challenge in middle school. I didn’t want people to see me do this. I had to wave my hand around through the room like a scan tool. So silly, but if I didn’t do that in some way my mind was on high alert.

I could go on. Hopefully some people relate to this at least. I’ve always had very annoying, life altering quirks with my mind and emotions. It’s hard for others without these to understand.

I recently lost ANOTHER job (aka I stopped showing up to it) because I was quickly getting overwhelmed with overtime hours and being asked to come in early for 4 days in a row. Not like 30 minutes early, SEVERAL HOURS early. Because someone else was also working a double or something.

I’ve been a mess since. Overly anxious, can’t seem to get anything done, constantly cranky. This keeps happening and I’m beyond my wits end. I seem to be on the spectrum with some obsessive compulsions and lots of other weird quirks. It’s frustrating. I need to be an adult and I can’t seem to function like one. I start strong at a new job or new thing and quickly fall face first.

I don’t know guys.