u/TrueAd8293

If you are trapped in a cycle of trying to get better then reverting to old habits

this is somewhat lengthy but it will give you much needed clarity.

....For years I thought I had a discipline problem.

I’d go through periods where I was completely locked in: 

Doing everything I planned to do, working hard, consistent, focused, training, eating properly, building momentum

finally feeling like I was becoming the person I wanted to be.

Then suddenly it would all collapse.

I’d start procrastinating again. Avoiding work. Scrolling endlessly. Staying up late. Ignoring responsibilities.

Watching myself fall back into old habits in real time.

And the strangest part was: I was fully aware it was happening while it was happening.

That’s what made it so frustrating because if you’re aware of the problem, why can’t you just stop?

I tried almost everything: Caffeine, Medications (Adderall), Psychiatrists, Pomodoro timers, blocking all distractions, Lists - choice lists, scheduled lists, All kinds of planning, Kickstart method (1, 2, 3, go), productivity systems,, motivation, consuming more self-improvement content.

Some things worked temporarily but truthfully none solved the actual issue. I kept falling back into the loop.

After reading at least 100 books trying to solve this, I eventually realized the real problem was at the identity level.

More specifically an identity conflict between two versions of me.

Part of me wanted growth but another part still identified with the old version of myself.

And those two identities were pulling my behavior in opposite directions.

Most people don’t realize this, but your behavior is heavily constrained by what you believe to be true about yourself.

To be clear, not what you SAY you believe, what you actually believe. Let me explain.

Your beliefs are not words you can just say, your beliefs are demonstrated through your behavior.

If someone told you: “I believe the floor is lava,”

but then casually stood on the floor smiling while saying it, you would find it hard to actually believe them.

Now imagine someone clinging to furniture, refusing to touch the ground, visibly panicked,
trying everything possible to avoid stepping on the floor.

Sure, you may think they are crazy, but you would know for a fact this person genuinely believes the floor is lava.

Because beliefs express themselves behaviorally.

I also learnt  that human beings rarely act out of alignment with what they deeply believe to be true, at least not for long.

That realization changed the way I looked at procrastination, inconsistency and self-sabotage completely.

Because if someone continuously avoids action, collapses after progress,
or repeatedly returns to old habits despite wanting more for themselves…

then somewhere underneath all of that are beliefs keeping those behaviors alive.

Beliefs about their capabilities, their worth, their limits, their future, success, failure, pressure, responsibility, visibility, rejection, what they are “meant” for, or who they fundamentally are as a person.

Most people try changing actions directly without realizing their actions are downstream from identity.

Which is why the changes rarely last.

You can try to force behavior temporarily.

But eventually people return to behavioral patterns that feel psychologically congruent with their identity.

In simple terms: people naturally act in ways that reinforce who they believe they are.

That’s why someone can desperately WANT success while continuously behaving in ways that destroy their progress.

Consciously they want growth.

Subconsciously the current identity still feels safer, more familiar or more true, so eventually your behavior will snap back to match it.

That’s the cycle you and most people are trapped inside.

A pure internal civil called identity conflict.

The old self fighting the emergence of the new self.

And honestly, once I saw this clearly, a lot of human behavior started making sense.

The person who says they want to get fit but repeatedly quits.

The entrepreneur who self-sabotages once things start working.

The creative who avoids creating.

The intelligent person who can never stay consistent.

The ambitious person who keeps restarting their life every few weeks.

Usually there is an internal contradiction underneath the behavior.

A conflict between desired reality and current identity.

Which means the real solution is not just “trying harder.”

The real solution is gradually updating identity itself.

Changing the beliefs that produce the behaviors.

Because once your beliefs genuinely shift, your actions will also align and start feeling more natural.

And aligned behavior is sustainable behavior.

How exactly to change beliefs and so on is deeper work that goes beyond what I can fit into one post without making this insanely long already.

My goal here was to give you some clarity so you can stop feeling like a prisoner to yourself. 

I will delve into changing beliefs and identity at another time.

But if you forgot everything you have just read, then remember this.

You do not rise to your goals long term, you fall back to your identity.

Which means if you want permanent change, eventually you have to stop only focusing on what you want…and start focusing on who you believe you are.

Hopefully this at least gives some clarity to people who feel trapped in these cycles.

Because for a long time I genuinely thought I was just broken. 

But once I understood this and attacked the problem at an identity level, everything changed FAST.

If you are trapped in a cycle of trying to get better then reverting to old habits

this is somewhat lengthy but it will give you much needed clarity.

....For years I thought I had a discipline problem.

I’d go through periods where I was completely locked in: 

Doing everything I planned to do, working hard, consistent, focused, training, eating properly, building momentum

finally feeling like I was becoming the person I wanted to be.

Then suddenly it would all collapse.

I’d start procrastinating again. Avoiding work. Scrolling endlessly. Staying up late. Ignoring responsibilities.

Watching myself fall back into old habits in real time.

And the strangest part was: I was fully aware it was happening while it was happening.

That’s what made it so frustrating because if you’re aware of the problem, why can’t you just stop?

I tried almost everything: Caffeine, Medications (Adderall), Psychiatrists, Pomodoro timers, blocking all distractions, Lists - choice lists, scheduled lists, All kinds of planning, Kickstart method (1, 2, 3, go), productivity systems,, motivation, consuming more self-improvement content.

Some things worked temporarily but truthfully none solved the actual issue. I kept falling back into the loop.

After reading at least 100 books trying to solve this, I eventually realized the real problem was at the identity level.

More specifically an identity conflict between two versions of me.

Part of me wanted growth but another part still identified with the old version of myself.

And those two identities were pulling my behavior in opposite directions.

Most people don’t realize this, but your behavior is heavily constrained by what you believe to be true about yourself.

To be clear, not what you SAY you believe, what you actually believe. Let me explain.

Your beliefs are not words you can just say, your beliefs are demonstrated through your behavior.

If someone told you: “I believe the floor is lava,”

but then casually stood on the floor smiling while saying it, you would find it hard to actually believe them.

Now imagine someone clinging to furniture, refusing to touch the ground, visibly panicked,
trying everything possible to avoid stepping on the floor.

Sure, you may think they are crazy, but you would know for a fact this person genuinely believes the floor is lava.

Because beliefs express themselves behaviorally.

I also learnt  that human beings rarely act out of alignment with what they deeply believe to be true, at least not for long.

That realization changed the way I looked at procrastination, inconsistency and self-sabotage completely.

Because if someone continuously avoids action, collapses after progress,
or repeatedly returns to old habits despite wanting more for themselves…

then somewhere underneath all of that are beliefs keeping those behaviors alive.

Beliefs about their capabilities, their worth, their limits, their future, success, failure, pressure, responsibility, visibility, rejection, what they are “meant” for, or who they fundamentally are as a person.

Most people try changing actions directly without realizing their actions are downstream from identity.

Which is why the changes rarely last.

You can try to force behavior temporarily.

But eventually people return to behavioral patterns that feel psychologically congruent with their identity.

In simple terms: people naturally act in ways that reinforce who they believe they are.

That’s why someone can desperately WANT success while continuously behaving in ways that destroy their progress.

Consciously they want growth.

Subconsciously the current identity still feels safer, more familiar or more true, so eventually your behavior will snap back to match it.

That’s the cycle you and most people are trapped inside.

A pure internal civil called identity conflict.

The old self fighting the emergence of the new self.

And honestly, once I saw this clearly, a lot of human behavior started making sense.

The person who says they want to get fit but repeatedly quits.

The entrepreneur who self-sabotages once things start working.

The creative who avoids creating.

The intelligent person who can never stay consistent.

The ambitious person who keeps restarting their life every few weeks.

Usually there is an internal contradiction underneath the behavior.

A conflict between desired reality and current identity.

Which means the real solution is not just “trying harder.”

The real solution is gradually updating identity itself.

Changing the beliefs that produce the behaviors.

Because once your beliefs genuinely shift, your actions will also align and start feeling more natural.

And aligned behavior is sustainable behavior.

How exactly to change beliefs and so on is deeper work that goes beyond what I can fit into one post without making this insanely long already.

My goal here was to give you some clarity so you can stop feeling like a prisoner to yourself. 

I will delve into changing beliefs and identity at another time.

But if you forgot everything you have just read, then remember this.

You do not rise to your goals long term, you fall back to your identity.

Which means if you want permanent change, eventually you have to stop only focusing on what you want…and start focusing on who you believe you are.

Hopefully this at least gives some clarity to people who feel trapped in these cycles.

Because for a long time I genuinely thought I was just broken. 

But once I understood this and attacked the problem at an identity level, everything changed FAST.

If you are trapped in a cycle of trying to get better then reverting to old habits

this is somewhat lengthy but it will give you much needed clarity.

....For years I thought I had a discipline problem.

I’d go through periods where I was completely locked in: 

Doing everything I planned to do, working hard, consistent, focused, training, eating properly, building momentum

finally feeling like I was becoming the person I wanted to be.

Then suddenly it would all collapse.

I’d start procrastinating again. Avoiding work. Scrolling endlessly. Staying up late. Ignoring responsibilities.

Watching myself fall back into old habits in real time.

And the strangest part was: I was fully aware it was happening while it was happening.

That’s what made it so frustrating because if you’re aware of the problem, why can’t you just stop?

I tried almost everything: Caffeine, Medications (Adderall), Psychiatrists, Pomodoro timers, blocking all distractions, Lists - choice lists, scheduled lists, All kinds of planning, Kickstart method (1, 2, 3, go), productivity systems,, motivation, consuming more self-improvement content.

Some things worked temporarily but truthfully none solved the actual issue. I kept falling back into the loop.

After reading at least 100 books trying to solve this, I eventually realized the real problem was at the identity level.

More specifically an identity conflict between two versions of me.

Part of me wanted growth but another part still identified with the old version of myself.

And those two identities were pulling my behavior in opposite directions.

Most people don’t realize this, but your behavior is heavily constrained by what you believe to be true about yourself.

To be clear, not what you SAY you believe, what you actually believe. Let me explain.

Your beliefs are not words you can just say, your beliefs are demonstrated through your behavior.

If someone told you: “I believe the floor is lava,”

but then casually stood on the floor smiling while saying it, you would find it hard to actually believe them.

Now imagine someone clinging to furniture, refusing to touch the ground, visibly panicked,
trying everything possible to avoid stepping on the floor.

Sure, you may think they are crazy, but you would know for a fact this person genuinely believes the floor is lava.

Because beliefs express themselves behaviorally.

I also learnt  that human beings rarely act out of alignment with what they deeply believe to be true, at least not for long.

That realization changed the way I looked at procrastination, inconsistency and self-sabotage completely.

Because if someone continuously avoids action, collapses after progress,
or repeatedly returns to old habits despite wanting more for themselves…

then somewhere underneath all of that are beliefs keeping those behaviors alive.

Beliefs about their capabilities, their worth, their limits, their future, success, failure, pressure, responsibility, visibility, rejection, what they are “meant” for, or who they fundamentally are as a person.

Most people try changing actions directly without realizing their actions are downstream from identity.

Which is why the changes rarely last.

You can try to force behavior temporarily.

But eventually people return to behavioral patterns that feel psychologically congruent with their identity.

In simple terms: people naturally act in ways that reinforce who they believe they are.

That’s why someone can desperately WANT success while continuously behaving in ways that destroy their progress.

Consciously they want growth.

Subconsciously the current identity still feels safer, more familiar or more true, so eventually your behavior will snap back to match it.

That’s the cycle you and most people are trapped inside.

A pure internal civil called identity conflict.

The old self fighting the emergence of the new self.

And honestly, once I saw this clearly, a lot of human behavior started making sense.

The person who says they want to get fit but repeatedly quits.

The entrepreneur who self-sabotages once things start working.

The creative who avoids creating.

The intelligent person who can never stay consistent.

The ambitious person who keeps restarting their life every few weeks.

Usually there is an internal contradiction underneath the behavior.

A conflict between desired reality and current identity.

Which means the real solution is not just “trying harder.”

The real solution is gradually updating identity itself.

Changing the beliefs that produce the behaviors.

Because once your beliefs genuinely shift, your actions will also align and start feeling more natural.

And aligned behavior is sustainable behavior.

How exactly to change beliefs and so on is deeper work that goes beyond what I can fit into one post without making this insanely long already.

My goal here was to give you some clarity so you can stop feeling like a prisoner to yourself. 

I will delve into changing beliefs and identity at another time.

But if you forgot everything you have just read, then remember this.

You do not rise to your goals long term, you fall back to your identity.

Which means if you want permanent change, eventually you have to stop only focusing on what you want…and start focusing on who you believe you are.

Hopefully this at least gives some clarity to people who feel trapped in these cycles.

Because for a long time I genuinely thought I was just broken. 

But once I understood this and attacked the problem at an identity level, everything changed FAST.

If you are trapped in a cycle of trying to get better then reverting to old habits

this is somewhat lengthy but it will give you much needed clarity.

....For years I thought I had a discipline problem.

I’d go through periods where I was completely locked in: 

Doing everything I planned to do, working hard, consistent, focused, training, eating properly, building momentum

finally feeling like I was becoming the person I wanted to be.

Then suddenly it would all collapse.

I’d start procrastinating again. Avoiding work. Scrolling endlessly. Staying up late. Ignoring responsibilities.

Watching myself fall back into old habits in real time.

And the strangest part was: I was fully aware it was happening while it was happening.

That’s what made it so frustrating because if you’re aware of the problem, why can’t you just stop?

I tried almost everything: Caffeine, Medications (Adderall), Psychiatrists, Pomodoro timers, blocking all distractions, Lists - choice lists, scheduled lists, All kinds of planning, Kickstart method (1, 2, 3, go), productivity systems,, motivation, consuming more self-improvement content.

Some things worked temporarily but truthfully none solved the actual issue. I kept falling back into the loop.

After reading at least 100 books trying to solve this, I eventually realized the real problem was at the identity level.

More specifically an identity conflict between two versions of me.

Part of me wanted growth but another part still identified with the old version of myself.

And those two identities were pulling my behavior in opposite directions.

Most people don’t realize this, but your behavior is heavily constrained by what you believe to be true about yourself.

To be clear, not what you SAY you believe, what you actually believe. Let me explain.

Your beliefs are not words you can just say, your beliefs are demonstrated through your behavior.

If someone told you: “I believe the floor is lava,”

but then casually stood on the floor smiling while saying it, you would find it hard to actually believe them.

Now imagine someone clinging to furniture, refusing to touch the ground, visibly panicked,
trying everything possible to avoid stepping on the floor.

Sure, you may think they are crazy, but you would know for a fact this person genuinely believes the floor is lava.

Because beliefs express themselves behaviorally.

I also learnt  that human beings rarely act out of alignment with what they deeply believe to be true, at least not for long.

That realization changed the way I looked at procrastination, inconsistency and self-sabotage completely.

Because if someone continuously avoids action, collapses after progress,
or repeatedly returns to old habits despite wanting more for themselves…

then somewhere underneath all of that are beliefs keeping those behaviors alive.

Beliefs about their capabilities, their worth, their limits, their future, success, failure, pressure, responsibility, visibility, rejection, what they are “meant” for, or who they fundamentally are as a person.

Most people try changing actions directly without realizing their actions are downstream from identity.

Which is why the changes rarely last.

You can try to force behavior temporarily.

But eventually people return to behavioral patterns that feel psychologically congruent with their identity.

In simple terms: people naturally act in ways that reinforce who they believe they are.

That’s why someone can desperately WANT success while continuously behaving in ways that destroy their progress.

Consciously they want growth.

Subconsciously the current identity still feels safer, more familiar or more true, so eventually your behavior will snap back to match it.

That’s the cycle you and most people are trapped inside.

A pure internal civil called identity conflict.

The old self fighting the emergence of the new self.

And honestly, once I saw this clearly, a lot of human behavior started making sense.

The person who says they want to get fit but repeatedly quits.

The entrepreneur who self-sabotages once things start working.

The creative who avoids creating.

The intelligent person who can never stay consistent.

The ambitious person who keeps restarting their life every few weeks.

Usually there is an internal contradiction underneath the behavior.

A conflict between desired reality and current identity.

Which means the real solution is not just “trying harder.”

The real solution is gradually updating identity itself.

Changing the beliefs that produce the behaviors.

Because once your beliefs genuinely shift, your actions will also align and start feeling more natural.

And aligned behavior is sustainable behavior.

How exactly to change beliefs and so on is deeper work that goes beyond what I can fit into one post without making this insanely long already.

My goal here was to give you some clarity so you can stop feeling like a prisoner to yourself. 

I will delve into changing beliefs and identity at another time.

But if you forgot everything you have just read, then remember this.

You do not rise to your goals long term, you fall back to your identity.

Which means if you want permanent change, eventually you have to stop only focusing on what you want…and start focusing on who you believe you are.

Hopefully this at least gives some clarity to people who feel trapped in these cycles.

Because for a long time I genuinely thought I was just broken. 

But once I understood this and attacked the problem at an identity level, everything changed FAST.