I, 30F, am a part of a TON of internet polyamorous groups and some in real life. I got added to a new online group and a meetup was occurring near me and I got excited and wanted to meet some new acquaintances. While I’m trying to get comfortable enough with the group in the online chats I make friends with someone and we click soooo well. I made things clear that I wasn’t looking for new partners and joined the group because I wanted more polyam friends. I find it a bit difficult to express my relationship goods/bads with people who are monogamous.
We agreed and understood the boundary, and the new friend, 44M, returns the sentiment. Even through it though, because of the content of the group we normally exchange sexual banter, and when my partner or his initiates sex, we don’t hang up the call. Neither one of us can see but it doesn’t bother either one that it is happening.
It’s been a short while of communication a month or so and we are attached at the hip, but by phone. I finally muster up the courage to meet him and we made plans for after he came from vacation to meet. While on the vacation I’ve been calling and texting less because I knew it was a special time he set apart for his partner. (I like to mind my business). And then today he drops a bomb on me.
He told me that his partner was very pleased with how happy we both are having found each other and our new friendship has enabled him to make some changes that she couldn’t influence him on and that she thinks we would make a great couple. I thought it was a joke and I said yeah because we argue like an old married couple haha. She said she was serious and after talking with him about it she supports him in trying to pursue a relationship with me.
I was dumbfounded, flattered, but I maintain that my friendships are friendships and my relationships are relationships. This isn’t the first time that it has happened, and now I feel weird because we already finalized everything about my trip to meet him and her, and now I feel like the intentions are thick and I want to back out. Am I wrong for being a little upset about it?
(SN: his partner isn’t wrong in her observations, we are a great team and would make a great couple. If the way we entered our friendship had been different, I 100% would think of him as a suitable partner and pursue it)