u/Harmonia-Sans

please read, sorry for terrible language skills. i don't know how to make it clear what i am saying, i am not really asking for anything to do. how do you get by without any stuff like medication or "help", i wanted to ask that question, i don't really have any of those things. sure i guess i can admit there is some love for me, but that does not seem enough for me to stay alive, like not worth a lot.

i constantly have thoughts about dying and committing, i feel horrible all the time because of it. i cut into my skin, there really isn't hesitation for that sort of thing. i feel so disgusting when i eat something and i regret it a lot. i just do not feel great about shit, feels almost hateful, it is really draining and torture to think that every day. something has to be wrong right??

just how are you supposed to get through that. because of this and some other stuff, i feel like i need to die, because i think that is only option for me, i know it is going to happen, just feels imminent, i don't know how else to say without sounding more weird. i have tried random pills to see if it could be easier to sleep, so i would not have to be awake to experience these things. also i do not know if i will see any suggestions or advice and take it, please respond

thinking maybe i am just exaggerating things! i feel like i do, so i thought to try and be "happy", so draining, everything was annoying to me, everybody. don't know why i am like this, all of it feels so miserable, everyday. nobody really cares, i know.

everything points to that, i don't do anything worthwhile, not even capable of those things. going to take it as a sign i should just die, even though i have wanted to before, i think i need to soon. there is just this urge to do it, i really want to, needs to happen. i have been thinking about that a lot lately, it is the only thought that does not stop, even after i wake up in the morning until night.

to me the only thing i can see in the future is me abusing some substances or whatever, then dying, alone.

it makes me so sad and hopeless to know that is how it will likely end, it is really hard for me to see anything else.

typing whatever, just want to talk, but i know i will fuck it up, i barely have anyone to do that with so sorry if this is incoherent.