Hello internet. This is just a scream into the void. We were nearly at our ten year wedding anniversary, and a few weeks ago, my wife came to me and asked for a divorce. I knew it was a rough patch, but I was completely blindsided by the divorce.
I agreed to leave. I have lost everything. I gave up our home, lost my wife, lost the pets, feel like the relationship with the kids is shattered because they are all angry and confused and I know I will rarely see them.
For the past few weeks I have tried to dive into absolutely everything, working extra hours, exercising, trying to be social and meet new people. I have tried to follow the process and have given it my everything.
Today, I sat down with my wife before we signed the papers and asked her if there was any chance to reconcile, to start fresh, or save the relationship. She said no.
I want it to get easier, but it feels like it is getting harder. I have been in crisis therapy. I am medicating and drinking heavily so I can sleep, but I have started dreaming of her.
Nothing is helping at all. The pain and loneliness are so bad I can't take it. The family was my whole life, my unexpected dream come true. She is telling me to move on, but I don't know how or if I can. I say in my car just crying and screaming today.
I just don't know how long I can do this. I am praying it gets better because I physically do not know how long I can last with this pain. I am trying to keep going but it is getting harder and harder. I feel like I just can't do it. I have no hope, no future, everything that I wanted most in life is gone.
I am not suicidal exactly, but I just want it all to be over. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't take it. I just can't.
Thank you for reading and listening.