Broken
I was in a relationship for almost 2 years with someone who I thought was the love of my life. When we first got together everything was perfect,with our goals and wants being the same,so I decided to go the extra mile. After a year,I bought us a 3 bedroom 2 bath house,I was paying all of the bills,I was buying her expensive gifts and taking care of her dog. A week before the break up she love bombed me by talking about kids and a family and everything and we were intimate and it was loving. She told me she was going to be going to her aunts to have supper with her and her mom,okay cool. Said she was going to be spending the night to spend time with her nephew,okay cool. I stayed home and took care of her dog. She also mentioned about going somewhere with a new guy friend over the weekend,me being the loving supportive boyfriend I questioned it lightly but I was fine with it. She comes home the next day,says we need to talk,and we need to break up. I was devastated,blind sided. It came out of nowhere for me. No communication on her part or any signs that she was unhappy or thinking about leaving,even her family was confused. I was doing my all and giving my all to provide what I could for the family that she wanted,but she told her family that I would never change,that there was nothing I could do to change,and that I was the problem.
Needless to say,I spiraled well out of control. I almost committed “sewer-slide” because I couldn’t regulate my emotions and I was telling myself that I was the problem,there was something wrong with me,I can never be loved because they always leave. I died for 1-1 1/2min,was in a coma for 2 days,and the hospital and psych ward for a week. She never reached out or acknowledged me at all,as if she never cared at all. Her family didn’t even care. But do you know what they did care about? A kitchen table and chairs that we bought together that she wanted. And her an her family were harassing me and getting cops and threatening court all because of the table. I told them I just needed time to get rid of a huge sectional couch,after that they could take the table. They didn’t want to wait and they wanted it now.
I’ve been going to the gym more,went to the doctor and got on some meds,going to see a therapist soon.
It’s crazy…..because I still love her,I still care about her,I still want her…..and she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I don’t really know what to do next besides focus on myself,but I still want to figure out what to do with her.
I gave her all of my heart,all of my loyalty,and all of my trust. I don’t think I can go through that pain again.