u/Haunting-Match4554

I’m really trying to improve my chess skills, while also reducing my screen time. I think a book is a great solution.

Any recommendations? Name and author please.

Historically, I’ve loved conversational writing, so nothing boring or pretentious. I don’t want to fall asleep. Give me a narrator whose excitement for chess is contagious.

I’m an intermediate player who wants something more foundational. I’m obsessed with chess and will happily devote my time to it (assuming you have good taste in books lol)

I love chess. I first started playing after my shifts at a Mexican bar. Once the kitchen crew clocked out, we would all have drinks and play chess. Since then, I've been in love with the game. I've played at other bars, online, college, clubs, etc. but my qualm is that no matter where I play the game, I feel like my gender gets in the way of a great experience. By that I mean...

1. I always get hit on. Not to sound conceited, but I am an attractive woman... and being young doesn't help either. It's flattering the first few times, but when 80% of games end with being pursued, I get sick of it. Once, I went on my phone to do a chess puzzle at my friends bday party, and within 5 minutes, I was surrounded by 4 guys and overwhelmed.
2. The amount of harassment recieved on chess. com has made it so that I don't even want to have a profile picture.
3. Speaking of chess. com, once I changed my pfp, I noticed that my opponents actually play the whole game. Obviously, there's still the occasional resigner, but 92% of my wins within the last 3 months before changing pfp were resignations. yes, I did the math bc it's that pathetic. It slows my progress and makes me angry for a plethora of reasons.
4. The mansplaining! It's so annoying to make a poor move, and hear "you should have moved..." and don't get me started on en passant. Let me make bad moves. Let me blunder. (Edit: Giving advice, talking about the plays etc. are FINE and welcome. It's the "sweetheart" comments, the "you're actually good" comments. The ego within the chess community is different than what I'm referencing.)
5. I just really want to play chess with women. I've never had an in-person game with a woman who wasn't friend learning from me. I want the chess community to be more inclusive to women, but I fear that it's overwhelming and kinda dehumanizing to be woman learning chess.

I really REALLY love chess. It's an art or a dance. It's patterns. I always take pride in losing because there is always something to learn from my opponent. I'm friendly and social. I'm also a strong player. My ELO is around 1500 now. I love people; I love playing in-person... but oh my god... I am done leaving the chessboard annoyed.

(P.S. I understand I'm generalizing, and that not all men are like this. Cheers to the bros who play a solid, chill game)

Anyone else relate?

I'll try to keep this short - As a 26 yo woman, I have finally reduced my online presence to almost nothing. I used to be addicted to social media. Nothing satiated my ego more than being seen. The addiction worsened as short-term, algorithmic videos moved to the forefront of my online usage. I did the math. I wasted more than an entire year of my life to screen time... and it amounted to nothing. No skills acquired. No meaningful connections nurtured. No aspirations pursued. I was throwing away my youth, my time, and my REAL dreams.

It's been a slow and daunting journey. I can talk more about the baby steps and the reasons for deleting everything upon request.

Now that I have a skeletal online presence, I've noticed changes.

The greatest benefit is the substantial improvement of my cognitive functions. I hold conversations longer, and the time I devote to pursuing interests is focused and durable. My "ADHD" brain is healing. I'm reading and writing again for FUN. My ELO in chess is improving. I have an original sense of humor. Cognitive functions are vital to feeling and being alive... and I feel alive again.

The one downside of deleting social media is the disconnection. Everything is digitalized. You have to join an online group to know about events, community projects etc. I miss seeing my friends. When everyone in your community exists predominantly online, it's easy to feel isolated. The few "social media" I do have are voids. No one else uses them (even though they are objectively better due to no algorithms, AI content, and/or advertisements).

So how do you cope? How do you overcome the isolation? I've done the work, now what?