Fix relationship - bbf (f 17)and bf (m 19)
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My bday (18 F)was coming up, and I want to be with my bf(19 M), my family not know about him so I was going to say it i'll sleep over at my friend house for bday and they agree.
So, being legally adult, I want to have sex with him or at least have little fun, blowjob or something. I did ask him before that I wanted to try blowjob and he refused and changed the topic fast. I feel that he not ready, but like he is not a shy guy to not say it out loud, we had talked about sex before (about how could we want it), which at that time made me felt safe that we both had I same page.
I ketp thought about it, like I was honest about starting slow, but he kept refusing to talk about it. I kind of stop talking about sex or try things. I don't know if he is not ready or something. I ask my best friend (17 F), and she said boys usually happy to do fucking, and gave me weird look and said maybe my bf is interested to opposite sex (not first time saying so but i never talk it seriously, i was seriously talkimg about my feel and his, and how to do thing rights and she say that in middle of talking)
I wasn't thinking right and got angry at her and yelled, She even thinks the possibility of him being gay. As I am writing this, I feel guilty that I yelled at her, I was just in edge.
But I don't believe he could be gay, and I felt she disrespect him by saying so. I haven’t talked to her after that argument (which was one side, my yelling, and she repeats that she didn't "mean" he gay) until yesterday.
Summary: Later, I ask my bf if he gay and he says he is not. I replied with fuck me to prove so, and he refuse. So my anger goes down, later and I apologize for the almost threat/ forcing him to have sex with me to just prove he was not gay was stupid. I kept apologize, but he didn’t care for apologizing. He left, i texted his friends to check on him and got "okay" as a reply.
If the table turned, and he asked me to have sex with him, only to prove I was not gay could be a big red flag and feel hurt.
It wasn't that smooth like I wrote here. there were yells, I was angry at the beginning, and he got very upset. I said many things, he too, i try to get him to say the reason why he won't, he didn’t, ect. My bday plan was canceled so we could calm down. I didn't want to even celebrate my bday anymore, but my family wants so.
I don't know, I feel I am the bad person in both pov of my bbf and bf. Like I just hurtting them.
Last night I sent apologize text to my bbf and ask of we could met, we did today and she said she not wants to be friends anymore, I try to apologize, she refuse, I ask for other chance, she refuse, so I end up without anyone to talk with.
I don't know how to fix this. I do not feel my bf being honest as I believe he was. But I should have respected my bf privacy, as he did not own me anything, it's his right to refuse, but it kept me on tone as he never explained why (no longer want to know why after all argument).
how to fix this, they are both important to me, I not want to lost them.
* I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now (but was same friends group back in high school if thats count)
* know bff for around 3 years.
TL;DR: I was asshole to my BFF and bf and need help to fix this relationship.