What would antidepressants even do for me?
I'm considering starting to take antidepressants, because I've had unmedicated depression basically my whole life. (Diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder. I'm seventeen, guessing I've had it since about six or eight; diagnosed at 13 or so). Because of this, my depressed state is my normal, and I"m not even sure what life looks like in any other form.
A lot of these questions will be subjective. Please speak from your experience and not just third-party 'maybe or maybe not'
Question 1 - If I already experience emotions on a limited scale and spend most of my time in an apathetic grey where nothing really matters but I can still convince myself to get things done sometimes - could medication make that worse? Will I find myself further into and unable to pull myself away from reading, or screens, or from getting out of bed?
2 - Will I be happy more often, or just sad less often? My rare feelings of extreme shame or sadness are really what remind me that I do have emotions. If I lose those - as painful as they are - I could see myself falling into more detriment.
3 - Will I start caring more about my relationships? I care a lot about my friends, and have a lot of solid relationships, but none of them really feel close. I feel as though I could move across the country and really wouldn't miss anyone. Hell, I didn't even cry at my grandma's funeral because it's hard for me to care about people. Will that change?
Will it be easier to get out of bed in the morning? Will I be able to focus on other things in my life?
Will I start seeing myself better, or is that more a therapy thing? That is, I tend to avoid thinking about myself because it pains me - I'm awkward and self deprecating, which is interesting because people tend to make mean jokes towards me because I 'don't seem to take it hard'.
Will my brain fog clear? Will my thoughts become more fully formed? Will my poor memory - especially when thinking of my childhood - improve? Or is that just a part of me now?
So - knowing these things about me - in your personal opinion, do you think antidepressants are a good option?
Thank you for reading :)