I was kept in the dark for 6 years by a married man. I finally exposed him to his wife, and now I am broken. I need advice on how to heal.
I’m writing this because I am at my absolute breaking point. I need someone to listen, to advise. We were together for six years—a long-distance relationship built on promises of a future and deep emotional support.
I thought he was single when we met. But quickly, he confessed he was married. He swore they were separating, that he was preparing the divorce papers, and that she knew about us. I was naive; I loved him deeply, and I believed him. He promised to come and formally ask for my hand soon.
To keep his secret safe, he maintained two completely different lives through two accounts. He had a secret account that his wife knew nothing about, which he used exclusively to talk to me every single night, and he had his formal/main account where I didn't exist, which his wife completely monitored. To prove to me that he didn't care about his wife, he actually gave me her personal social media handle from his secret account. He told me, "Go ahead and look at her account, it’s fine. I don't love her, I love you." He used her account as a tool to manipulate me, to make me feel secure in his fake promises while he kept me hidden in the dark.
During these six years, I accidentally found out she was pregnant with their second child. When I confronted him, his excuse was deeply manipulative: He claimed it happened "by accident" because she had forced him to go to a doctor for a medical check-up since he wasn't sleeping with her anymore. I was vulnerable and believed his twisted story. But recently, I shattered when I discovered she is now pregnant with their third child, a massive truth he had been actively hiding from me. Every time I thought we were close to being together, he was traveling with her, building his family, and using his formal account to post about them.
About three months ago, he tried to contact me after a quiet period. I refused to talk, but because he had given me her account years ago, it became an addiction. I started monitoring her and their family's main account every single day. The pain was excruciating. Seeing him play the perfect husband while I was his secret shattered me. I was trapped in a toxic, self-harming loop of constant monitoring.
Yesterday, I reached my limit. I was crying, completely broken. I messaged his formal account—the one his wife likely monitors. I asked him, "Why did you play me for six years?" I just wanted him to face the pain he caused.
The response was silence. Within seconds, his account blocked me. He didn’t care about my pain; he was just terrified of getting caught. He didn’t want his perfect life to crack.
I was done being a secret. I reached out to his wife directly on social media. I sent her everything—the proof, the messages, and a picture of him I took in 2024. I told her he had been with me for six years and that even when he was with her, he was thinking of me.
Her response... She laughed a lotttt.
She sent me messages literally laughing at my situation. She mocked me and said things like, "If he thinks of you, how did I get pregnant a third time?" She belittled my status, implying I was beneath her and that this was all a game to him. She threatened legal action against me, treating my trauma like a joke.
Now, I am terrified. Since he quickly closed to private his formal account (which is completely clean of any trace of me) to show her, I am terrified that she only looked at that clean account and convinced herself I am just a liar making things up.
That laugh broke me in a way I didn't think was possible. Six years of my love, my time, my youth, and my devotion. To her, I was just a joke, a lesser being to be ridiculed.
I am now in a state of severe depression, intense panic, and complete emotional exhaustion. I gave him everything, and I am left with nothing but trauma. I feel completely empty.
I’m not looking for revenge anymore. I need a way out. Do you think she trusted me? How do I stop monitoring them? How do I regain my sense of self? Please, if anyone has any advice on how to heal and survive this emotional wreckage, I really need it right now. Thank you.