u/Head-Let2997

So I 23y/o f, lives with my best friend [also 23y/o f] and have been living together for about 3+ years. This is one of those legacy friendships cause we've been close since we were 8/9 but we went to different schools and our families were ... uk... we lived close by but we never saw each other regularly over the years cause we were kids and had no control over that. It didn't matter though cause we never missed a beat when we met up.

Anyway, our families were putting us through the ringer individually so we decided to move about 2h away from them and live together. We survived lots of odds, even persons (family members, etc) telling us we were gonna suffer and have to come crawling back to our families. We both got jobs and lost jobs and got jobs again, so its been no walk in the park but I think this is the first period since we feel calm and secured. We love our apartment and our life and all the haters well, have swallowed their words I hope.

Thing is though, lots of persons advised not moving in with your best friend even online they said its a horrible idea but we decided they have problems we don't, and we trust each other. We respect each other's boundaries and what not. But ... I think I'm starting to see what they were talking about. I'm pretty intuitive so I can perceive changes in behavior even before the person themselves realize that their behavior is different than usual.

So a couple months ago I observed her being quiet and distant and I tried to talk to her and she snapped at me so I went about my business and then she left the house later that day. I said she probably has something going on. Subsequently I found out, that day she went to see a guy she had a torrid situationship with and had to work on getting over (block unblock, restrict unrestrict)... so she was locked in her head trying to decide whether to go or not ... lol. Anyway I said its an isolated incident so I just let it go cause we spoke about it and she said she didn't realize she did that (snapped at me).

After that she became more distant, but not in an abrupt way. In a subtle way that you can't really bring up cause there are plausible and "reasonable" reasons for her closing me out. I justified it as her finals are coming up and she's locked in. Low and behold it was about another guy. I thought we agreed to not let guys come between us but I think the interpretation of that was we're not fighting over any guy and if he tries to double cross us we would boot him. Now I have no problem with her dating I actually love that she has someone to talk to and so on because I know its something she wants.

What I have a problem with is neglect. Sure we're growing up and our priorities are changing but that isnt an excuse to back burner me. If thats the new norm let me know so I can have no expectations of MY BESTFRIEND. I had been working on a really challenging project for months she knows the extent of it she knows its hard. I asked her to help before she said she didn't have the time. FAIR. I knew between work and school I was asking alot of her but the night before the launch I'm up getting stuff together and some other people who I'm not close too with were offering help in whatever way they could. There was still lots to do, she however was not busy that night and she didn't offer to help... ok... then she invited the guy over and stayed up talking with him until like shortly after midnight... ok .... then she went to bed late. The launch was happening at 10am. Its my event I had to be there early, so I got up early and continued preparations and left for the venue... when I'm leaving home at 9:30 she had just gotten up... ok .... then at like 11am she sends a text saying she can't make it she has prior commitments... ok .. she knew about this thing for weeks and weeks she was posting the flyer even... prior engagement?????? PRIOR ENGAGEMENT??? The least I'd expect from my best friend is support even if its just your presence, I'm not asking for alot. Couple days prior she had some assignment that required some creativity, I'm a writer I happily offered my help cause thats what friends do.

Anyway, fine. She didn't even ask me afterwards how the event went, I've spoken to her multiple days after that and nothing its like she doesn't care anymore. Dramatic? We're 2 girls living in the city we have each other primarily. If something goes wrong with her I'm her emergency contact and vice versa. I normally get home from work around 6pm or 7 latest depending on the day but the other day I was at work until after 11pm ... when I got home it just registered to me that she hadn't checked in, so I was like maybe she's not home and I need to call... nope she was home the whole time .... ok.. but if she's later than usual I call or text to see if she's safe or something, I always do. She used to check in all of a sudden nothing... Am I crazy for thinking maybe she doesn't care anymore or has this guy now taken precedence in her life and I just need to accept that?

Even more so, if I have people over [a guy or just a friend] I let her know days in advance so if she wants to leave she can or do whatever. She would tell me like an hour before or sometimes not at all I'd see her come out her room and go to the gate and its like wtf?? Where is the courtesy I understand we both pay rent here but why am I not being given due notice? ... she's also claiming to be irritated all the time and I'm like you're irritated at me?

Cause I asked her a day "what should we cook today?" She snaps back "Weee? Are you cooking?" In my head I'm like we're no longer a we? Whats happening 😅 ... I was like "What's that supposed to mean?" She said "Don't answer my question with a question." Irony??? So I said "Yes I was gonna cook" and she was like "Oh, I don't really mind anything" _ no cooking was done that day I was pissed off.

Now, her grandmother has passed away. She's gone to funerals with me for my family members and I've gone to funerals with her its a no brainer we just do it instinctively. So I'm wondering if I should prioritize my activities and not go and give her one of those bullshit answers she gives me cause the funeral is a working day and right now I don't want to cause I feel like the reciprocity in this friendship has died and I feel exploited cause I support her always even in the smallest ways. I washed dishes the other day and left it in the draining basin as is customary and she went to wash dishes the following day and put the dishes on the counter instead of the cupboard where it goes??? And she does other small but I can't believe you'd do that kind of stuff around the house. Someone who cares acts like this?

And I should not have to ask my BEST FRIEND for support isn't that one of the tenets of friendships? Grow and evolve all you want but this is nuts so I'm considering moving out which is gonna be interesting cause I can afford to live by myself but she cant afford to live by herself. I'm not doing it out of spite my nervous system is shot and I don't sleep well. I always feel uneasy when she's around now and I just want some peace.

So should I go to the funeral or embrace this new found rhythm of not supporting her so she can know how it feels?