26F backed out of my first arranged marriage proposal, did I do the right thing?
Hi everyone, I'm 26F from Mumbai and recently went through my first arranged marriage proposal. I'm feeling a little guilty after saying no, so I wanted some outside perspective on whether I handled it right or overreacted.
I had liked the profile initially. I don't have very high expectations from marriage, I'm mainly looking for a stable life, a decent partner, and eventually a family/kids.
The guy was 28 and earns around 55k per month. Before meeting, his family had not asked for dowry or gold, so I assumed things were straightforward. But on the day they came to confirm the proposal, they suddenly asked for "₹3 lakh from our side" and also said I should wear all the gold meant for me on the day. This was communicated by the would-be SIL's mother-in-law, and honestly that made me uncomfortable immediately. But he seems like a good guy.
After that, I tried to understand the guy's financial mindset a bit better. I asked him about savings, planning for the future, and general financial stability. He told me:
he plans to take a "₹10 lakh loan for the wedding" from his side
He has no emergency fund
He has no savings
His entire salary gets spent every month
That worried me because if marriage starts with dowry demands, wedding loans, and zero savings from his side, I don't know how stable the future would be. As for the marriage loan 17k would be deducted from the salary and 20k for rent and rest all expenses, i am saving my salary as a down-payment to buy a home, offcourse for me and my future husband.
After overthinking it a lot, I decided not to proceed. But now I'm feeling bad and wondering if I was too harsh or judgmental.
Did I do the right thing by saying no?
Also, for future arranged marriage proposals, how should I evaluate financial compatibility without sounding rude or too transactional?