I just need to get it out, by telling my story
I was groomed by my grandfather basically my whole life. I thought we were best friends, I lost my best friend but he really was just the devil in a man's body. He used to do creepy things but I thought nothing of them because it never pushed the boundaries.
Until, I fell asleep and he would do whatever and I would wake up and run. Lock the door and he would crank on the door knob like it was gonna break open. He would go to church, try to abuse me again afterwards, I ran again. I ran into the middle of a swarm of geese, they kept me safe.
I was also abused by my male babysitter and a neighbor kid, I tried to run. I was too weak. I now bodybuild, trying to be the strongest version of myself.
The flashbacks hold me captive and I'm 5 years free from addictions. What helps you with flashbacks?