u/Healthy_Training169

Bakit ba ang hilig ko magbigay ng sobra?

Hindi naman sa nagrereklamo ako kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na kaya ko naman magbigay—time, effort, pera, emotional support, kung ano man. Pero napapansin ko lately, kapag ako na yung nasa gitna ng problema, parang bigla akong nagiging mag-isa.

Ang sakit pala nung moment na ikaw yung laging andyan para sa iba, tapos kapag ikaw na yung nangangailangan, wala kang mahugutan. Walang same energy na bumabalik sayo. And then I catch myself thinking, “sana may katulad ko rin sa buhay ko.”

Gusto ko na rin maging madamot at magtira para sa sarili ko. Pero ang hirap kasi kapag alam kong kaya ko naman tumulong, nagiguilty ako kapag hindi ko ginawa. Parang ako pa yung masama kapag hindi ako nagbigay.

Nakakapagod lang minsan yung cycle na ikaw yung laging nagbibigay, tapos ikaw din yung nauubos.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ba maging balanced. Pero right now, ang bigat lang sa feeling na parang ang dali ko magbigay sa iba, pero kapag ako na… wala akong masasandalan.

I genuinely thought I was finally okay.

Like maybe all the hurt from before had already passed through me quietly, little by little, hanggang sa naging manhid na lang ako sa idea ng love.

Kasi before, I settle.

I liked people just enough to stay, just enough to feel something, but never enough to fully break me.

Then I met someone I truly liked.

The kind that makes your days softer. The kind that makes you want to become gentler, calmer, better. For once, it didn’t feel forced. Hindi pilit. Hindi boredom. Hindi loneliness disguised as affection.

I was genuinely happy.

But I guess that’s where the pain started too.

Because for the first time in my life, I craved to be chosen by someone. To be liked back in the same quiet, sincere way I liked them.

And it hurts knowing I could’ve loved him carefully.

I know I would never do to him what his past did to him. I know I would’ve handled his heart gently.

But none of that really matters when you’re simply not the person they want.

Ang sakit pala no?

To finally feel something real, only to realize you’ll experience it alone.