Coworkers and friends don’t care that he almost killed me
TW: graphic descriptions of physical abuse and SA mentioned.
Feel free to check my post history for some background.
I’ve been broken up with my abusive ex for 3 months now. He moved out mid February. Officially 1 month no contact now (I kept letting him come over after work thinking things would get better, then he got drunk and tried to hit me again) and i feel like my trauma is just now setting in. Not completing the cycle of abuse, like the high I used to get from reconciliation being withheld feels like I’m stabbing myself in the chest. I’m having night terrors and wake up sweating and screaming half of the week. I have panic attacks every day. I can’t even THINK about intimacy without crying. And I’m barely eating.
We work together. It is a unique service industry job; I easily make $300-$500 in a 6 hour shift. I can wear leggings and sneakers, I don’t have to wear makeup, I have autonomy and I like my coworkers/customers. I have chronic pain and they’ve been very accommodating with that. I’ve worked there for 7 years. I LOVE my job like seriously it brings me so much joy. Or it used to. My ex is the boss’s nephew who has worked there for about 6 years.
For the first 1.5 years he would yell at me for crying, ghost me for minor arguments, punch walls, himself, break my collectibles, cheat on me. The physical violence came after I started being reactive towards his abuse. That cycle repeated for two more years until it got so bad he was giving me concussions and choking me just for waking him up too early. I always felt it was my fault.
When I left the relationship it’s because I confided in a close group of coworkers that he’d escalated to choking me on a semi regular basis. I told them EVERYTHING. I was even so deep into my victimization I explained it wasn’t really his fault and I’d goaded him on or been so toxic i deserved it. They literally insisted I RUN they told me I would die if I stayed with him, that I never deserved that, and even offered me their couches. So I followed their advice; I finally called the cops the next time he came home drunk and scary (my dumbass didn’t press charges) got him to move out.
They all still fucking hang out with him. We went to a spot after work one night and I was so happy he wasn’t there, then the main coworker who insisted I flee the abuse, texted him where we were and to come hang out. I was gobsmacked. We all used to hang out during the week outside of work, now they invite him and not me. He has absolutely no fucking shame. He’s passive aggressive towards me at work no matter how professional I try to be. I have panic attacks every time he looks at me or speaks. Just hearing him laugh from the other room makes my blood pressure spike and my eyes water. He KNOWS that and it makes me feel weak.
But they all act like it was just a toxic relationship as if they weren’t saying I’d end up on dateline if I stayed with him. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ll never heal enough to function if I’m constantly exposed to him. I really thought I’d have more people on my side. I’m at such a loss. People I’ve known for 7 years are watching me wither and die in real time and they’re actively contributing. He wasn’t even at work last weekend and they managed to bring him up a dozen times!!
NO ONE CARES THAT HE BEAT ME, THAT HE CHOKED ME, THAT HE TOLD ME TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF FOR CRYING DURING A PANIC ATTACK, THAT HE KICKED MY FUCKING DOG, THAT HE FUCKED ME WHEN I WAS SO DRUNK I HAD VOMIT IN MY HAIR AND GOT MAD AT ME FOR NOT REMEMBERING. I have EVIDENCE I’ve offered to show them the pictures of bruises on my throat, of the blood vessels he ruptured in my eyes, the busted lips he gave me!! The texts!! The admissions he’s made!! And one of them even ASKED FOR THE PROOF so I gave it, and she STILL HANGS OUT WITH HIM. I’m just so fucking angry!!!! It’s not fair!!! “We care about both of you okay, but he’s like a little brother to me so I’ll always see both sides” THERE ARENT TWO SIDES HE DOESNT EVEN DENY WHAT HE DID!!! He just calls me a crazy bitch.
I know I need to quit, but I love my job and it makes me so sad to think he’s going to win again. He always wins. He used to promise he would quit if we broke up because he knew how hard it would be for me, because he has another high paying job, but he doesn’t care anymore, or never did idk. But here I am, looking at cutting my sparse income in half and leaving a place I’ve made a second home for myself just to give myself a fighting chance to heal.