Am i overreacting/ being too sensitive?
TW - mention of pregnancy losses
I need honest outside opinions because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m becoming hyper-sensitive due to grief and stress, or if this behaviour would stand out to other people too.
I’ve experienced multiple pregnancy losses that I carry a huge amount of grief. My partners mother knows this. She also knows that anything baby/pregnancy related is an extremely emotional topic for me.
Over the past few years there have been repeated situations where she suddenly brings up babies, pregnancy, newborns, or little children in ways that feel strangely targeted or emotionally loaded.
It’s not just casual mentions either. Sometimes she goes into vivid, detailed stories or descriptions that feel excessive considering she knows the topic is painful for me.
My partner has told her to please stop talking about pregnancy and babies 3 times.
She never use to talk about pregnancy or babies until my losses.
For example: (after being asked not to talk about pregnancies and babies anymore)
• About 2 weeks after one of my losses, after I had poured my heart out to her about how devastated I was and how painful seeing babies were for me, she told me a story 3 weeks after our conversation she started telling me in great detail about a pregnant woman she saw:
“Oh you should’ve seen this woman today. She had a big beautiful round pregnant bump. It was so wonderful to see. I looked at her and thought wow she is absolutely glowing. I just wanted to go over and feel her stomach and feel the baby kick. She was so beautiful sitting there peacefully rubbing her belly. I talked to her for a while as we waited in the same waiting room and she said being pregnant was such a wonderful gift and we had a lovely chat about pregnancy. I got to touch her stomach in the end and feel the baby move and kick and it was truly so wonderful. What a beautiful mum to be she was.”
• Another time 4 weeks after another loss she started describing a neighbour’s baby in extreme detail:
“Oh I saw a lovely woman next door today who I bought some fruit to. She had such a beautiful baby on her hip. The baby had the biggest most beautiful eyes, long perfect eyelashes and the cutest sweetest smile, she had little ringlet curls touching her face perfectly. She looked at me and smiled and reached out to touch my hand. She’s the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. Babies are just so special aren’t they?!” followed by squealing then repeating the words- babies, babies, babies, babies babies!!!!!!!!!! Getting higher in pitch each time she said babies.
• There have been many other long baby-related conversations before and after these situations as well. (Usually saying her babies were perfect and never cried, her pregnancies were amazing and details about their features, cute sounds and hair.
At this point she had been asked not to talk about them 3 times by my partner.
• On my birthday she called me and said:
“I have an old family hanky for you… well, it’s really for your granddaughter one day. I’m sure one of the boys will have a beautiful little girl. Will you keep it safe for her? Now..are you sure you’ll keep it safe for her? I want her to have something of me.”
Then after focusing heavily on this imaginary future granddaughter conversation, she quickly ended the call with “The hanky is well used of course, Anyway I better go, have a good birthday.”
The latest one was she has randomly started singing the line “pretty little baby” over and over around me.
My partner says I’m imagining/ focusing on patterns that aren’t there and that she’s “just talking,” but because it keeps happening, it no longer feels random to me.
At the same time, I fully admit grief can make people hyper-alert to certain topics, so I genuinely don’t know whether I’m accurately picking up on something or whether my own pain is making ordinary comments/ stories feel targeted.
If you were in this situation, would this raise alarm bells for you or would you think I’m reading too much into normal conversation?
She has also said other things over the years that I personally found odd or subtly hurtful.
For example, after being with my partner for 9 years, she recently said to me after meeting another relative: “Now that you’ve met them it’s almost like you’re part of the family.”
Another time I was crying about my dog that had just passed away. My mum had also recently died. My makeup was running and while wiping my face I said:
“I think I’m getting a few lines from all the stress.”
She suddenly snapped at me in a very harsh tone and sternly said: "Oh you awful horrible girl! What are you saying about me and my wrinkles?”
I was genuinely shocked because the comment had absolutely nothing to do with her.
So now I honestly don’t know if I’m accurately picking up passive-aggressive behaviour and subtle digs, or whether grief and stress have made me overly sensitive and hyper-aware of certain things.