Struggling with sudden life changes after a fire and breakup
Chicken beans and rice dish I threw together.
I moved to a new city with my partner of 6 years last fall, and then my apartment burnt down three months ago, right before my partner left for 15 weeks of overseas training for a new job. Three weeks ago they told me they wanted to end things.
There was no lead up to it, not really. Things had been great between us for years. I was the happiest I had ever been before the fire, and we were genuinely best friends and share so much love for each other, even still. They told me they’ve just realized some things about themselves that they need to be alone and work on, and that these feelings of what they need have come on so fast it scared them, but they see so clearly what they need to do to for themselves in this moment. I could tell how hard this was for them to be doing as well.
I’m very heartbroken, and I think they are too. We have only been speaking to sort out the logistics of terminating our lease early, and they’ve asked that I don’t text them when not related to the logistics of our separation. They return from training in a few weeks, only coming by to collect their things before moving to another state, hundreds of miles away. I’ve never been through a bad breakup before as this was my first real relationship.
I go through waves of realizing this is best for both of us, that I have things that I need to work on on my own as well, that I am feeling a sense of self I’ve never felt in my life, and then I get incredibly depressed and full of sorrow at the fact I may never see them or be friends with them again. We genuinely share so much love for each other, and to think my life could go from sharing that with them to being alone and unable to speak to my best friend is shattering. I just want to play games, watch our shows, talk about everyday mundane things we always talk about. I just miss my friend.
Like I said I know I’m going to come out of this stronger, and I’m proud of them for doing what they need to do, but I’ve never felt so much sorrow and pain in my life. It’s going to be a long journey trying to achieve a sense of normalcy in my life again. It’s the first time in my life I’ve ever really been alone. I don’t really have any friends or family that live in the area since I haven’t been here for too long.
I haven’t even thought of the fire the last few weeks, which I spent months dealing with (recovering and restoring what few items of ours I could). It feels like ages ago, like another life. But my partner was definitely my rock through all of that.
Just thinking about all that has happened in the span of three months, how much has changed, melts my brain. I’m just so tired, I miss being comfortable in my home with the person I love.