Hi all- I’m new to Reddit and need advice.
I’ve posted my experience below. I honestly don’t know what to do about this behavior; What advice do you all have on spouses that don’t follow through on promises?
A few weeks go my husband said he would go get my car’s oil changed for me to help me out.
Well, time went by and he never scheduled, never said anything. So I had to make an appointment. Told my husband twice I made the appointment at 8 am and he said nothing about his prior commitment.
This morning, I missed the oil change because I overslept. Appointment was at 8 am, husband got up at 7am. My alarm went off, and I turned it off in my sleep, which is a bad habit of mine. Was upset I missed the appointment and rescheduled it.
I had to run errands this afternoon, and my car (now low on oil), begins to give me the warning ⚠️ that oil is low. I call my husband to see if he can grab oil for me on his lunch. I have been anxious about this for a while, a was upset. He told me I should have been more proactive in getting it changed sooner, but he would go get me a pint of oil to tide me over until I could go get it changed. He also said I should set more alarms on my phone to remind me of my appointment (This is important).
When I confronted him about his initial promise, he told me that I should have reminded him. I asked him if that’s the case and I should be reminding him of tasks, why he didn’t remind me about my appointment this AM, when my alarm went off? He replied it wasn’t his job to remind me and that he didn’t remember I had an appointment. I asked why he expects me to remind him to do tasks for me, when it’s not mutual.
Basically told him I’m not his mother and that if he wants reminders, it should also be mutual. I also told him I wanted an apology for him telling me that I should be more proactive when he never followed through with his promise.
He blew up basically saying he has a bad memory, went to the store to, grab a pint of oil for my car, and put it in till my next appointment. He gave me a sarcastic sorry as he was going out the door.
It feels so stupid to be getting in a fight over oil, but I feel crushed and manipulated. This also feels like a breaking point for me because of the gaslighting; He will not pull through on promises and then blames me when I’m upset about it. This is not the only time he has done this.
What are y’all’s recommends for addressing and documenting this? Divorce has crossed my mind, but I want to make sure I’m documenting the behavior and leaving a hard trail of evidence. I love my husband and want to work this out. However, I’m not going to put up with this shit for the rest of my life.