Hey S
I know this text is out of nowhere, but I felt like this was the right moment to reach out. Know I’m not asking for a lengthy conversation.
Over the past weeks, I’ve done a lot of reflection. On us, myself, and how things ultimately ended between us. I penned a letter, and have it in an envelope I made. I’m reaching out because I don’t want to put an unbidden heavy letter in your hands without asking for permission.
I see now with clarity I was blind to in our relationship due to my anxiety. I see how your attempts at saving our love, and making it sustainable were interpreted by me as rejection. I made your kindness feel like a chore when it should have been easy. I am so sorry. You were immensely special to me. Part of why things have hurt so much for me is because I can see now I was not ready to hold it with the stability it deserved.
At the same time, I could not leave this relationship in silence. The way things ended so suddenly hurt me immensely, and I would be lying if I didn’t say this was one of the hardest months of my life.
Still If the door to it is shut forever, it will have been one of the most impactful relationships of my life. I assumed you needed space and your peace, and I did not want to keep putting my emotions onto you. I understand if distance is the only thing that can make things feel safe now. I hope you know staying silent has been on of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. No part of it was me moving on quickly. You mattered so much, I just wanted to do what you wanted, maybe I assumed to much.
I would be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me that still wonders if something healthier and lighter could exist between us someday. I really mourn the potential we had more than anything. I loved the little world we built and shared together so quickly, and know if I was in a better place I could have protected it, and been there for you to lean on too.
I do not want to pull you back or convince you to come back. We ended for good reason. I also don’t want this letter to feel like pressure. At the same time, I will ask once if I could give it to you.
If you would rather I let things be, I understand and can respect that space.
Respectfully,
O