I have 3 small children - 2yo twins and a 5yo, aka our life is choas and we are in the thick of it, and we are BUSY 24/7. I was speaking with my mom last night and she seemed frustrated that I was not including her in our weekend.
My in laws will have all 3 of our children from Friday night until Saturday after dinner. During the 24hrs we have kid free, we plan on completely redoing my oldest daughter's room for her birthday that is coming up in a few days.
My mom asked if she could spend the night on Saturday after we picked the kids up from the in laws so she could see the kids, the new room and spend Mother's Day morning with me. I told her after cleaning/painting/putting together furniture all day, I was not going to feel like hosting that night (my mother can be a pita about being over - even if we/kids have already eaten she expects me to cook her dinner or provide a meal), and that my only wish for Mother's Day is uninterrupted sleep so I planned on sleeping in (she knows this, I have asked for it every year since having children).
She got kind of pissy with me when I told her no, them sounded like she was going to cry when I stood my ground. I was not mean, but firm on my boundary. I truly just want a relaxing day with my family and do not feel like cooking her dinner and breakfast for mother's day, or trying to keep her happy while she is at my house. We have a strained past and she is extremely judgemental at times (for example - she pointed out that my baseboards were dirty when I was 8 months pregnant with twins and asked why I didn't have time to clean them if I work from home).
Am I selfish for not including her? I was speaking with my husband last night and he said that Mother's Day is reserved for the women who are actively parenting first, and this is how I feel too. Is this how you view the day?