u/Helpful_Spot_4551

Is there a fire tonight? Smoke blowing into town? Woke up and it’s all I can smell.

Hey! Believe it or not I moved to Utah years ago for a 3D artist role here (commercial 3D animation, architectural visualization, product visualization, motion graphics, etc.)

While most these are freelance and remote, I kind of liked getting into an office occasionally! I also liked having a salary and benefits as well. I haven’t had that before or since.

Anyway, that job disappeared a while back. AI hype has quickly ruined the perception that people need artists to help with their stuff, so work has been pretty slow!

I freelance here and there as I can find it, but I’ve resorted to asking the local Reddit 🤭. Freelance is always a brutal grind. I’ve got around a decade professional experience, no degree, but a great portfolio with very broad creative skillset.

Thanks in advance for anything.

I get these messages from people I’ve never spoken to, or distant family I’ve met once or twice. They typically read along the lines of “I’ve been thinking about you. I hope your family is doing well. Heavenly Father still loves you,” etc. etc.

Usually a mix of passive aggressive concern, some implication that you’re unhappy, unloved, in sin. And just enough invented relationship context to lay the groundwork for the inbound ulterior motive. With always just enough plausible politeness to make any kind of adverse response feel totally uncalled for.

I’ve paid for a lot of therapy to get to a point where these don’t bother me (as much) anymore. If I respond the way I used to feel, it’d sound something like “I don’t know you. Fuck off.”

But something has helped me. I started to see the messages for what they are. They’re self serving. I realized it’s all for one of a few possible reasons:
- They feel guilty about family or someone they know leaving, so they manage guilt with a message. This offloads the burden of “well I tried” “I invited” etc. If you are TBM, every unbeliever within your sphere is a burden. For the scrupulous ones, every burden needs to be offloaded. They literally might not even want to contact you, feel every social cue not to, and still do simply because it’s an obsessive impulse to do so. Once their obsessive compulsive “holy ghost” internal dialog lets them know they’re unclean, They can’t leave it until they do their little ritual.

- They feel uncomfortable with your happiness. Again, for the real scrupulous, the whole Mormon ideology centers around “Mormon = HAPPY. Not Mormon = SATAN, SAD.” When they see you happy, something does not compute. A troubling equation needs to be resolved. You’re in the wrong category, so they need to place you somewhere. This is tough because it’s generally rude to just message someone you don’t know with “You must have been offended.” “You wanted to sin.” “You were deceived by Satan.” Some are pretty rude, but with some form of social skills those messages might read “I hope your family is doing okay.” “God still loves you.” “I’m here if you have any questions or need anything.”

The goal is to check in to get you back into a comfy mental category for them. If it comes off as rude, all the better! If you’re offended they get to comfortably place you within the “got offended, hates me and God now” category.

These days I rarely respond because I’ve realized most don’t want a response. Once the obsessive compulsive message is sent, their mental box is ticked, and their own guilt managed, etc.

I used to get these messages every 6 months (general conference season) from my Aunt. I’d respond, but was met with crickets. I realized it wasn’t about actually connecting with me, it was about checking in to place me in her mental box. When I broke script and cared about her, or seemed genuinely happy, she had no interest.

So to my TBM acquaintance: “I wasn’t really thinking about you. I hope this social ritual helps you feel a little better.”

I have a lot of family that’s still all in TBM. My aunt though is a standout case, and it makes me sad.

I’ve never had a relationship with my aunt outside of church because it’s her whole identity.

We all have hobbies and things we align with in life. What’s difficult for me to watch though, is the unreal amount of time and attention she puts into preparing for her afterlife. It’s her while existence. Every interaction I’ve ever had with her is the church. To the degree that I’ve never heard her express a solitary opinion or have a single original thought outside of church doctrine and church agenda.

Even when I was an all in TBM it was hard to stomach. Every night when we visited it was a family devotional/scripture study.

I’ve never met anyone as scrupulous and scooped out out as she is. To the point I genuinely don’t feel like she is her own person. She is a fully reprogrammed robot.

That’s all. Just crazy to reflect on.

I have a youtube channel with moderate success. 50k subscribers, but despite my best efforts, after 5 years, I can’t scrape out more than 1-2k views on my videos.

I have a few heavy hitters at around 100k views, but I haven’t been able to duplicate the success! I worry I’ve screwed up my audience by trying to pivot back and forth over the years to find a niche that works. I didn’t stick with one.

If I knew I could earn a livable wage for my family, I’d go all in no problem. But I worry I’ll continue to grind away and never make it. I’m low on income and am burning out mentally.

What would you do in my situation? Suck it up and keep pushing? If so, is it ok to prune old videos that don’t work, or will that really screw up the algorithm?

I’m about ready to throw in the towel.

This sucks. I no longer have work. I was hired as a contracted creative. I did everything under the sun to help a particular creator make untold amounts of money. My title was producer, but I basically acted as his personal assistant. I was available all times day and night to jump on projects with no lead time and tight schedules.

The working conditions were terrible. He told me explicitly that I had to answer his messages within 5 minutes. I told him this was unrealistic and his response was “you’re the only one that seems to have a problem with this.” My slack status had to be perfect. He was constantly on me and in my business.

Whatever, I shrug it off. I never miss a deadline and I work weekends, nights, whatever it takes.

This started to wear on me eventually. I couldn’t take it. The last straw was him constantly missing scheduled meetings. The worst of these times was when he messaged for an emergency meeting one night. I had my son’s soccer game, but I thought I could drive separately from my wife and come a little later (like a classic deadbeat dad in a 90s movie). I wait for our scheduled time and hear nothing… 30 minutes later he hits me with “sorry let’s cancel. Something came up.”

This wouldn’t usually bother me. Life happens. But it’s the fact I would literally lose my job if I was as neglectful with communication as he is. He would constantly not show up for calls.

I missed half my son’s game. “That’s it” I tell myself. I’m going to show him my contract.

I wasn’t an employee! No benefits, no safety. My contract HE GAVE ME explicitly details how I make my own schedule. As a contractor he gives me projects, and I determine when, where, in what manner they get done! He’s not employing me so I’m supposed to have certain freedoms. I bring this up and he acts so dumb…
“I’ve never read this.”
“Send me where it says that.”
And again;
“You’re the only one that has a problem with this.”

I send him the contract he signed, as well as specific lines from that contract. It’s incredibly clear. The contract is legal, but the way he treats me is a serious misclassification.

“I’ll take a look and see what we can put together.” He tells me.

And what do you know, that’s the last I really hear from him. Ghosted. I’m not getting paid and have no work so I follow up. He says my “conditions” (the terms in HIS contract) “defeat the purpose of my role.” He says he has nothing for me. Just like that. Three kids, and because I try to defend my sanity with terms in his own contract, I get kicked to the curb.

And that’s it. A year of going out of my way to make this gig work. Trying so hard not to lose it. In the end I can’t help but feel this is just how he works. Takes advantage of people and I’m the sucker that fell for it.

I imagine I have at least a basic legal case here but I have zero interest or money right now for that.

Just need to vent. I’m losing hope there are people I can work for that will respect me or even just allow me to do my work.

Urban legends aren’t new to Mormonism. I realized recently, talking to some friends, more than one of us had been told at some point a “Jesus was here once” story. My friend was told while visiting a temple on their mission that they always reserved a seat in the session because now and then an angel dropped in.

I was told by the temple president while visiting the St. George temple is hushed trembling tones that he’d seen Jesus walk the halls.

Does anyone else have a “Jesus was here” story?