I am completely, and utterly lost
Im 22. I had originally decided to study Comp Sci, but then decided its not for me and coding was excruciating because i didnt really enjoy it and only forced myself to it. So i quit it and never even attended uni. That was about 3 years ago. Now, im drifting along, in this life, i have absolutely no goals and aspirations, i dont even know how to have them or what they look like. i tried to at least get a job, so i would at least earn some money so the whole weight wouldnt be on my parents, but i cant seem to get anything. Ive only had one job and that was 2 years ago.
I dont know what to do. I dont have any interests, or if i do, its not something that can be pursued, because theres no money in it. I have no skills. Im tired and drained. Every day my panic worsens. Im emotionally detached from everything, to the point that i barely feel anything, thats why whenever i start to feel something or panic i just distract myself with whatever i can find, music, games, anything. Im detached from reality. Im extremely avoidant and my walls are super high, so i dont share this with anyone. My family is trying to support me but they cant because i wont let them to.
Maybe im too far in my comfort bubble, or my self pity, but i cant seem to change. I dont know what to do, or how to so it. I dont know how to start, where to start, towards what should i be moving, what my goal should be. Im just a useless soul, a ghost, drifting around, like a lost ship at a sea, with no direction, no nothing. I feel like im going in circles, like im losing my mind. If i go out, its only for the distraction. Im so, so lost and tired.