u/HermandodeFernando

I (26M) am getting married soon. Originally, my fiancée and I agreed on 6 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen. One of the “late additions” was her cousin, who I’ll call Raymond (25M).

I hadn’t met Raymond before, but once we did meet, we actually got along really well. Same humour, loads of banter, respectful guy overall. Since he was always intended to be included eventually, I asked him to be a groomsman and he happily accepted. My friend who was there filled him in on all the wedding/stag plans.

A couple weeks later, Raymond and I went gym together. During that session he told me he was having a private surgery and might not be able to make the stag trip depending on recovery. He said he may need to decide last minute.

I told him that was completely understandable, but I also said TWICE that he needed to tell the stag group chat because my best man was organising everything and I’m intentionally not involved in planning.

The following weeks go by and Raymond is active in the group chat. Voting on activities. Voting on accommodation. Reacting to plans. General engagement. At no point does he tell anyone “I’m only 50/50” or “don’t book for me yet.”

Then 2 people drop out of the stag, leaving 4 people going. The group votes on accommodation and my best man books it. Naturally, he then asks everyone to transfer their share.

Everyone pays except Raymond.

For THREE WEEKS my best man chases him with no response. Then Raymond suddenly says he can’t come after all.

This completely blindsides me because I assumed everyone already knew his situation. Turns out… they didn’t. Because despite me telling him multiple times, he never actually informed the group he might back out.

Now my best man is stressed because the accommodation suddenly becomes way more expensive split between fewer people, and Raymond is stressed because he’s now expected to pay towards a trip he isn’t attending.

Raymond calls me and I try to mediate. I tell him to just contribute something for now because my best man urgently needs the money. Raymond then suggests a compromise himself:

“If you can find someone else to take my place, I’ll cover the first £100 and they can pay the other £200.”

Cool. Problem solved… or so I thought.

So now I’m doing awkward admin for a stag party I wasn’t even supposed to be organising. I’m messaging friends who weren’t picked as groomsmen asking if they want to come. Which honestly felt embarrassing.

Everyone says no.

Eventually, as a total last resort, I ask someone who isn’t even invited to the wedding and they agree to come specifically because the cost is reduced to £200 thanks to Raymond’s offer.

I message Raymond thinking he’ll be happy because instead of £300 he only has to pay £100 like HE suggested.

Instead, he sends me a massive paragraph saying he’s changed his mind and doesn’t think he should pay anything at all because he “never confirmed” he was coming and my best man “shouldn’t have booked before collecting money.”

I call him immediately because now I’ve got someone committed to this trip on the understanding Raymond would honour the £100 offer.

Raymond then admits he hadn’t even properly checked the group chat in weeks.

Which honestly made me even more annoyed because I specifically told him TWICE to communicate his situation to the group. He was still interacting with polls and plans which made everyone assume he was attending. He only told me he changed his mind about the £100 AFTER I found a replacement.

Eventually, after loads of stress and awkwardness, we got the £100 from him.

But now he’s dropped out of the wedding entirely, blocked me, blocked my fiancée (his own cousin), and blocked several friends too.

My fiancée thinks he’s embarrassed and avoiding accountability.

Some friends think he was obviously in the wrong because he failed to communicate properly and then backtracked on a promise after someone else committed financially based on it.

Others think my best man shouldn’t have booked accommodation without collecting everyone’s money first.

AITA?