This is a throw away account, i don’t believe anyone i know uses Reddit but better safe than sorry.
So for context: my (m, 20) ex bf and i (f, 20) had been together almost 3 years. In the last couple months, we’d been having issues and i was struggling to find support from him and it felt like he didn’t care how he was treating me. For instance, i would tell him things that were sometimes pretty significant or plans he had already said he would go to, and he would suddenly say he forgot and made different plans. It was pretty consistent and i got in the habit of just sending him reminders.
Another big issue for me was his substance consumption. I made it very clear to him in the beginning (an incident occurred where i was forced to set boundaries like this), that i do not feel comfortable with or support drunk driving. I was also not how okay with where or when he was drinking, most commonly while he was clocked in. at work. We had a good conversation and he said he knew he needed to reel it in and things were good. For a bit. After a while, it got to this routine of me telling him i’m still uncomfortable with this, him apologizing and saying he’d change, things being good for a bit, then he messes up big time again.
Fast forward to this past weekend, i go to visit my (ex) bf since he goes to school in the same state i live in. I was already apprehensive about going because of something that occurred the night before, but decided we communicate better in person and ultimately went to visit. The morning before i drove up, i was clear with him that this was the last time id give him a chance. I was hurt and fed up and needed him to realize the stakes. He told me “i understand, glad you’re still coming, we’ll talk more when you get here”. So i went, and i knew for certain by the first full day there, i was going to break up with him before i left. I found out he’d been lying about things, been getting belligerently drunk at least once a week, and had even been highly aggressive and attacking his friends. All of this was news to me, which was made worse by the fact that every single person he knew or was friends with, talked about “the incident”. They had videos holding him down so he wouldn’t hit anyone and it turned my stomach bad. When a friend asked him how often he blacked out to be able to drink so much and his reply, right in front of me, was “once a week at least, for the past month”. I was shocked. There were other issues that hadn’t been getting better, but his drinking was one he swore he’d gotten control of. I was just floored he was admitting to lying to me. So this was the confirmation i needed to end things.
Now it’s later in the night, we’ve just been hanging out with some of his friends, and i’m not a drinker, but i do enjoy smoking. So i did have a THC drink and i did partake in a b ong. I’ll admit i was pretty up there, enjoying conversation with his friends. He is getting drug tested for his internship and didn’t even want to sit it the room. So we’re hanging out, i accidentally kill the b ong, my bad, and his friend starts goofing off at me and just being playful. i’m baked, so im crying laughing while leaning away. He wasn’t being pushy or aggressive, he’s just super energetic so i knew he was just getting started. He does a pretty funny monologue and i lean back one more time when my (ex) bf says “hey stop you’re creeping her out”. I hadn’t voiced any worry or being uncomfortable but him saying that did kill the giggles. He suggests we all go back to his place so they can play games and he can make a snack. We get back and all just lounge in the living room. A couple different people come and go, i eventually go take a shower and we go to bed. I’m pretty zonked out and i knew i was going to break up with him, so i was not trying to sleep with him anymore. I’d planned to not be physical the whole weekend but he’s good at getting his way. I was lying on my back, half asleep, i’m not sure if we’re talking or if he’s just laying beside me, but at some point he’s getting on top of me and started to kiss me. I didn’t want to sleep with him or kiss him, so i turn my head to avoid it. He continues to kiss my neck and give me hickeys instead. Without going into detail, my memory is hazy and i remember feeling my body literally not want to let him continue. Fast forward, he’s flipping me on top, that doesn’t work. Now he’s flipping me on to my stomach and for brevity, something hurts and i pull away crying.
I’m sorry if that was too graphic, but i’ve talked to my best friend and her bf, who i trust immensely, and they told me he forced himself on me. I believe something was wrong, but i don’t think i ever said “stop” or really pushed him away. I’m probably in denial and need to tell my loved ones, so i am seeing my sister in law tomorrow. If anyone has advice or a similar experience, please let me know.