Feeling deflated
Had an organic chemistry final this week. I’m applying to med school next cycle, or at least that’s the goal. My STATs are low so I really needed this grade. I worked so hard to earn a good grade. Unfortunately, looks like I’ll get a C after starting with an A in the class. This is a repeat because the first time I took Orgo was a really long time ago so it’s expired. I got a C the first time, but I didn’t work very hard and didn’t learn anything so I’m not surprised. But this time… I gave it my all. I’m literally so disappointed, not because it’s just a C but because my STATs are low and I gave this class my all. I’m also nontrad and in my 30s. I know some people might say I’m still young, others might not. The point is, I have things stacked against me academically so I needed this grade. I’ve wanted to avoid doing a post bac because I don’t have the finances and I’ve delayed med school for a really, really long time already. I also have other things that just feel like disadvantages so maybe that’s why I’m just trying to do what I can to apply.
I’m hugely disappointed and the sad reality is, there’s no one I can talk to about it because unless you’re in your 30s with low STATs and applying to med school, all I ever get is, “you’ll be fine”, or “just delay it”, “it’s okay if you don’t go to med school”. Have you ever had a crazy, insane desire that you’ve worked so hard for for years and then you are at a point where it looks impossible, yet you’ve wanted it for so long? And if people said, “let it go”, “it’s just not meant to be”… yeah, that would piss you off. No, I have not taken the MCAT yet but if I get a C again in Orgo after working so hard that’s a deep blow to my academic confidence and my mental state. This track is brutal. Not sure what I’m looking for. I just feel crushed and delusional for even trying.