Should I stay or should I go?
Hi, I’m a 38 female married for 14 years with two kids, 13 & 7. For the last year I’ve been really struggling with my own conflicting feelings on if I want to be married to my husband anymore. Just a few reasons why:
our sex life is awful, we had great sexual chemistry in the beginning but after we had kids he never seems interested & I am a very sexual person so I am always initiating & when he shoots me down that destroys my confidence & even when we do have sex, me finishing is never a priority to him. I have mentioned this & he has said he is open to using toys but he has never mentioned it again after that one conversation.
Things like my birthday & Mother’s Day are also never a priority to him. He will get me gifts but they are always last minute & the gifts he picks make me feel like he doesn’t know me at all. I have put so much time & effort into making his birthdays special but it’s never reciprocated even after I have voiced my feelings.
When he’s angry with me he always resorts to yelling, which I have repeatedly asked him not to do because there’s no situation in which screaming at me is necessary & he does it in front of our children at times.
He puts more time & energy into his job & hobbies & none of it into our home. There’s several projects around the house I have wanted to get done & he never takes the initiative to do any of it. So I have to do literally everything.
Ok so I know after all of that it seems very obvious I should leave BUT I want to add that he is a great dad who really loves his kids, I know he loves me & I’ve never worried about him cheating on me & know he never will, he’s not abusive in any way, but honestly the biggest reason I stay are for my kids. If I left him I would have to move my kids & I into my dad’s house, & while I love my dad I do think I would go absolutely crazy living with him. Also though after my C-section I have saggy skin on my belly & a shelf. I’m not overweight in anyway but I’m super self conscious about that & honestly don’t know if I would ever be able to be naked in front of someone new, not that being with someone new is even a factor to me because I don’t currently have any desire to date BUT also on that hand I have a very pretty face, like my face card never declines which sounds conceited & forgive me for that but I’m also worried that I’m giving my best looking years to someone who doesn’t deserve it. He never compliments me ever but when we are doing “good” we are friends & have fun together.
My overall question is: is staying for my kids in a non abusive marriage worth it for them? I would do anything for them & if it’s better for them in any way then I’ll stick it out till my youngest is older.
TL;DR my husband is lazy, not sexual, & inconsiderate but not abusive, is it worth it to stick it out so that I don’t uproot my children’s lives?