u/Hidden_Reed83962

I (25) matched with a (22) woman on a dating app about a month ago. We worked at the same place in different departments. We were chatting a bit but she asked me to talk with her through Snap. The communication has been off and on. Fast responses and some engaging conversations but a lot of fast responses of pictures of her knee or dog, ignoring questions. I tried to make one light joke but was told I “didn’t have to try so hard to make her laugh”. Most of her responses when I ask her opinion on things is “I don’t know that” or something like it. I was getting tired of the lack of engagement so I had asked if we could we make time to hangout and try playing a board game. Something neutral that leaves room for conversation. She laughed that I suggested board games but didn’t respond to the question. Just went back to snapping me pictures of her knee or bed or dogs. She does engage sometimes, but she mentioned she was having a lot of jaw pain from her teeth so I thought that could be the reason she doesn’t seem engaged most of the time. (I understand an ache is a lot more important than some random DMs). I’ve left her on read now after a few days of not saying anything to her to see if she would try to talk because I want someone that engages in the conversation and shows real interest in me.

Just wondering if I am being a dick leaving her on read. I feel bad about it. Am I not being a good enough person to her at a friend level to stay engaged with her at this low of engagement?

I worked with a woman a few years ago. I liked her from when we first met. I snap chatted and texted her a bit. It was good talks at first, very engaged and interested throughout the first year or so. I was thinking maybe she liked me back. Though when I finally told her how I felt, she said she was more into women than men but liked one particular guy at the moment. I didn’t press further nor did she explain. I thought it might’ve been me.

We hung out a bit outside of work too some time after. Went out to eat a few times. Went to a work dinner and had a good time. She even bought me a matching shirt with her. But over time her messages became less engaged and less frequent. Easy one word responses or ignoring more engaging questions. I eventually asked her to another work dinner. She said yes. But when I got there she was with another guy. She went up to me, briefly gave me a hug and said hi, it was good to see me, then sat with him and enjoyed her night while I left early feeling anxious and confused. I ended up apologizing thinking that I was wrong in thinking that those were dates we went on. I went down a spiral thinking I was a creep and maybe I just didn’t understand social interactions.

After that we bumped into each other a few times from then til last year. She was now with the guy from before. She would hug me and compliment me, though I never knew how to respond not awkwardly haha. I was always happy to see her and would be excited to chat. The last time I had seen her though, I was having a bit of a bad day, I was having jealous thoughts. She complimented me but I responded very curtly, saying thank you and left the conversation quickly, I felt so so bad doing this. She said “Oh” in a small voice and I felt terrible. I apologized in a message afterward but she left me on read. (The past year or so from then had a lot of times I’d get left on read or delivered for weeks. But she would apologize and say she was dealing with stuff in her life.). I was just so confused and dealing with jealous feelings that I knew I had to address and quell. We hadn’t talked since then, just rare small work interactions. She still speaks warmly when we do, calling me dear or darling. I’ve worked to not think about her as much anymore or to care much about everything, just trying to recenter myself. I’m just confused and feel like I’m not where I’m supposed to be.

Am I wrong for thinking there was something there? So many times I’ve really struggled thinking I might just be some creep not seeing the signs and trying to insert myself into her life. Or worse I pushed her away by being an anxious mess somewhere along the line.