He doesn’t want to hang out with me
I’m not sure what to do.
We’ve been together for almost 6 years, married for almost 2. In the beginning he made it seem like he loves traveling and concerts and exploring and adventuring.
But over time… it’s clear he doesn’t. He loves to work, and is often called a workaholic not just by me but his own family members. My brother in law even says that my husband has “problems” and has “control issues” which I agree with ALTHOUGH I NEVER VOCALIZE THIS IN FRONT OF HIS FAMILY BECAUSE THAT IS DISRESPECTFUL.
I am constantly having to bend to his will and settle for what he wants. Even for our honeymoon, I feel like I had to drag him through teeth and mud… but he was working during our honeymoon. I even had to go breakfast without him one day because he wouldn’t get off his laptop.
I don’t care that he’s a workaholic. I care that he won’t compromise or find balance. He won’t even go for walks, despite me stressing that it’s for his health. He says he lifts weights for one hour 5x a week and that’s enough. It might be, but heart disease runs in his family and I’m not sure why a 15-20 minutes walk 3x a week is so difficult. Additionally we have been long distance up until this year because he was getting his green card (he is Canadian and I am American)
We still don’t even live together. He got a job 2.5 hours from me and despite making 3x as much money as I do, he doesn’t support me financially.
I asked him for one thing and that was to just go to a concert with me for one of my favorite artists. A month ago he seemed open to it. I brought it up again today and he said no and that he has too much to do because he is getting settled in his new apartment. I told him I understand and that it’s a long weekend - he can move things in Sat and Sunday and Monday (he’s also off today which is a Friday) and that I would help him. I also helped him move things last weekend. He still said no.
At this point it just feels like he doesn’t care. And he probably doesn’t. I’ve learned to live my life completely without him and I just don’t even know what I’m gaining from this marriage because it’s not even like he’s nice to me or compliments me or even treats me or supports me. I never get told thank you, I’m constantly being degraded and undermined as a joke.
And for additional context, a year ago he pushed me and I called the cops because I just wanted them deescalate the situation. He still has not forgiven me for that and said I ruined his life (he has a govt job now that pays well over 6 figures and everything was dropped.)
I just don’t know what to do. We have never gone to a single concert together and I just wanted him to come with me to one. I plan trips with my girlfriends and outings with them all the time, never him because he doesn’t want to do anything.
Do I stay in this and hope for the better? We’ve tried marriage counseling. But it feels like our therapist was just constantly repeating themselves to him and nothing was changing. Our therapist even asked me once why I’m still in this marriage and suggested that I focus on myself… which I’ve been doing.
It’s one concert, one night. And it would mean the world to me.
Except he doesn’t seem to care.
So do I throw in the towel… and if so, why does the sound of divorce make me physically want to vomit. I just feel so alone.
TLDR: he never wants to do things with me