u/Historical_Pick_3564

Im so tired, no matter how hard i try to distract myself the feeling never leaves me. Like I really had hope and I really try to pick myself up every time but im so fricking tired. I dont want to explain myself anymore, I always get misunderstood im always just a lazy selfish person to them, im always doing everything on purpose and im mean, im not aware and im trying to find a easy way out..im a burden, a person that doesnt deserve to live bcs who am I to feel this way, whats the point of me living? Yes I want to know whats the point too, im trying to find my purpose but I dont see it, I feel so shitty about it too I dont need u to tell me as well. I really wish I had strength to end it but I cant do it. Im really curious if people think I want to be this way, like do you truly think im happy wasting my youth? Do you think im not stressed? Do u think I dont feel the weight of the situation? I just cant, I have to force myself to live so how do u expect me to fuction as a normal human? Im trying to not show how bad im doing but their words are so hurtful. And I feel so pathetic cuz I dont want to be someone that needs pity and I dont ask for your pity but when was the last time someone asked me how im doing? And I dont even expect it tbh but please dont keep hurting me with your words please. I will try, even if I had to pretend that im ok, I will try to chnage myself I dont want you to remember me as this ok? I dont think im gonna live a long life either so I will just try this last time. But please don't hate me if I dont succeed, please just see my effort, and please leave me alone in the end. I just need so peace