Me and my wife slowly started drifting apart after our son was born. Admittedly i focused more on work and providing for my family for the first year than being there for her and that's on me. I have spent the last 4 years trying to make up for it while still grinding at work. I would take care of our son's night needs almost every night despite having a full time job and pushing overtime. I would also do the morning routines with feeding, changing, etc while my wife was still sleeping and i would wake her before going to work to watch the boy. I would come home exhausted most days, for lack of sleep and physical effort at work, and i would still take over with child care and the evening routine, including putting him to bed every night whilst i would send her to rest and take a nap. Fast forward to a few months ago, we have bought our first home in January and to be fair it was pretty stressful. Ever since, our bedroom life dried up, i believe we had intimacy only 3 times since January. Worth noting that she was a stay at home mom for the first 3 years and went back to work 2 years ago part time. We had a big argument a couple of days ago about our relationship going to crap and we both said the issues we are having and what we need moving forward and agreed to try to mend it, like really try. Now, last night something didn't feel right and despite my better judgement, i snooped through her phone and found text messages between her and one of her closest male friends (who lives about 200miles away) that were rather sexual in nature and her sending him thirst traps with him responding with what he would want to do to her. Most of the messages were innocent but definitely some crossed the boundary between friendship and lust. I don't think anything physical has happened between them yet. I am extremely depressed now and plan on confronting her tonight after i put our son to sleep. I definitely love her and i am aware i could have been a better husband but i was by no means a bad one. I have sacrificed all i could for them. The other guy is older, has problems with alcohol, gambling and dr\*\*s. I am not a bad looking man at all, i am 6ft3 tall, 93kg, a bit of a dad bod, don't drink, don't smoke the zaza anymore and quit smoking cigarettes about 8 days ago. I believe that the last 8 days were a bit rougher for us as because of not smoking, i did become more snappy and short temper but i have never been aggressive towards her and never insulted her.
My question is, can men move past emotional infidelity? And if so how? I expect to be gaslit when i confront her but i am willing to work on our marriage mostly for my son's sake as i grew up in a broken home, with severe domestic violence and my parents were cheating on each other, plus my father is a drunk still ( parents are divorced now for a long time).
I don't think i can move past this, but I don't want my son to grow up in a broken family.
I am at work now, doing overtime and cannot focus on anything. Feels like my head is about to explode and i am heading to a really dark place. That's why i want to confront her.
Any advice is more than appreciated.
PS. I am not a wet wipe, i am a rather manly man but i don't want my ego to get the best of me