So I may have had a breakthrough.
After multiple attempts abstaining from porn, deleting my stash, focusing on no fap, re-wiring my brain, books, sex addiction courses and YouTube videos (all of which have helped and totally worth the time, I’ve decided to try something different. (No…not Ibogain but that I would try).
My trauma stems from my fear of intimacy with a rejection at the age of 16 and porn a few months after that.
Rather than try and tackle the beast of porn addiction which I’ve been failing at consistently, I’ve been in therapy figuring out how to be intimate with my wife. Holding hands, hugs, dinner dates, conversations, sitting next to each other on the couch and becoming vulnerable.
The idea is to Trojan Horse this addiction from the inside out, or at least that’s the plan. If I can learn how to look at intimacy as not pain or rejection but as a skill and feelings I can build upon, then perhaps the need to run to the screen for acceptance will be replaced by real life affection and dopamine.
It’s not an excuse to keep watching. I’m failing regardless. At least this solution may be the thread I need to pull. It’s worth a shot.
Never give up!