Sadly, my older sister and I (21F, South Asian) argue a lot because we cannot agree on a lot of things. For example, I asked her help me with a chore but she cannot like 100% of the time because she always has smth unless I physically cannot help due to period pain etc., WHICH HAS BEEN USED AGAINST ME BEFORE BY HER WHEN I ASK HER HOW OFTEN SHE HELPS alongside hearing a comment about how my period makes me a bigger b!tch... We had a huge argument today about something and this is where the mother comes in... she said that shes too sick to deal with this and that we do not feel empathy for her even though the argument in question had nothing to do with how we feel about her. She just somehow f*cking made it about herself and runs off crying after taunting me about how I ALWAYS CRY WHEN I WAS JUST TEARING UP A LITTLE. Oh also shoutout to the father for saying that this is too stressful for him when he was not even in the situation and just came in home and made it all about how he works hard all dayyyy like NO ONE ELSE FUCKING DOES???? My sister is still being angry and sad about this argument btw when IF I DO THAT OR REACT LIKE HER IM A MONSTER? Took the blame for something I didnt do (the wrong was done to me but whatever) just to get everyone to calm down and everyones still exploding WHY DONT I GET TO BE ANGRY WHY DONT I GET TO FEEL EMOTIONS. URGHHHH it is just so anger-inducing when I HAVE NO POSITIVE OLDER ROLE MODELS OR FAMILY MEMBERS IN MY LIFE... sorry for the rant i just cant deal with this anymore... is life even worth living when the economy is so sh!T and getting a job is impossible and leaving is even HARDER
From middle school when I formed the idea of me as my own person after stunted social development due to a crap childhood to high school, I wanted to end my life. From the beginning to the end of college, I thought I deserved to suffer through life rather than just exit life and prioritize success rather than emotional healing. I will say that at one point, I did attempt to learn more about my hobbies and interests and learn about Bengali culture to make life fulfilling and heal from trauma/reduce self hate about my culture but I was doing bad in my major which I was gaslit into bc my parents threatened to OFF THEMSELVES IF I SWITCHED so i stopped... Now, I want to return to what I started feeling in middle school because what is the point...