Hi, my mom died suddenly in July. She was 58. We always kind of assumed my dad would go first but later on, due to his health. I love my dad dearly and want him to be happy. His new girlfriend is 10 years older than me and 18 years younger than him. It feels weird, but the whole mom-dying-suddenly bit is weird… I want him to be happy and he really does seem happy. I’m open to the possibility of this being a good thing, but I’m also really nervous. I’m getting together with her, my dad, and my partner tomorrow for dinner and I’m worried I’m going to freeze up… any advice for questions I can ask to get to know her better?
UPDATE: Okie dokie folks… here’s the update: he texted my partner and I about 90 mins ahead of time and said traffic was a bit think and they’d probably be there just before 7 (which would be on time). His girlfriend texted me and said that dad was late picking her up and/or talking to the neighbor and that they’d be there late, around 7:30. I’m flexible so no big deal. Well turns out dad was there on time, waiting for her to get ready (he let her dog out, brought in the trash bins, and did talk to the neighbor while she was getting ready). Apparently they were late because she changed her outfit three times, demanded dad pour her a glass of wine, and she took her time drinking it. By the time they finally got in the car, they were set to be here at 7:30.
Getting emotionally prepped for this had been a pretty big energy drain. So far I am the only person who has been optimistic or at least trying to assume the benefit of the doubt… it’s been exhausting trying to advocate for this maybe working. Well it all caught up to me like 2 hours before they were set to come over. I just felt real fragile and rattled and was doing my best to stay calm and acknowledge that this could be tough, but that it could also maybe go well, and being ok if it was both. Because they were running late and I was stressing, my partner suggested we watch an episode of something, which we did. I was keeping an eye on dad’s location so I could time my final get ready. I saw they were 8 mins away so I went to color in my eyebrows and put a smidge of mascara on. By the time I was done, they were 6 mins away and dad texted me, “I’m not sure what’s happening, but I need time to sort it out. I’m sorry. I’ll call you when I can. Again. Sorry.” Obviously I call and he just said he can’t talk freely right now (she was in the car with him) and tonight just “isn’t the right time” and that they need to cancel. Apparently dad hadn’t been lovey-dovey enough when he got there—instead of coming in to swoon over her while she got ready, he was doing chores for her and waiting. She was pissy with him the whole time… and apparently even though she had dad meet her kids last week, because dad hasn’t stayed the night at her place yet, it didn’t make sense for her to meet me (how those two things correlate, I have no clue…). So then she pitched a fit that maybe this just isn’t the right time, etc. and she cancelled, 6 mins from the house, and had drive her the 40 mins back to her place. For further context, they’ve been dating for 4 months, they’ve broken up 5+ times (all of which she initiates) and then she acts like nothing happened and things are fine. Dad is so starved for love and companionship, I think he’s just gotten used to accepting the bare minimum… anyways, I got real angry because while I’ve been trying so hard to assume the best intent, I’m officially convinced this is not just a one or two off, but a whole pattern… and im definitely concerned about his wellbeing… so yada yada, he’s trying to comfort her and figure out what’s going on and if he did something wrong and she’s just, “just be mad at me! Do you want to fight about this?! I’m not going to fight with you.” And he’s like, no, I just want to understand what’s going on and see what I can do. So finally I ask him to come back, that I’m worried about him, etc. he does. We talk. He stays over. I make breakfast… I said my piece to him and let him know I love him and the patterns popping up aren’t healthy and that he deserves better. So that’s the saga… he still might get back with her, but I sure hope not… but all in all, thanks Reddit girlies for the moral support 💜