How to get evaluated if I don't even trust anyone?
23F btw. First of all I'm not diagnosed with schizotypal (as you can probably tell by the title), I'm sorry if that's a problem here, and I'm not interested in self-diagnosing either so I hope nobody's offended. I just thought people here might understand me on this. And I do think it's possible I have StPD.
I just don't trust pretty much anyone in psychiatry or therapists or anything, I think they're all out to profit or they work in that for selfish reasons or will overdiagnose people to justify billing or any other number of reasons. I used to think it was because I had bad experiences before but then I had a good therapist (I think) and I used to get so locked up talking to her because I didn't trust her, I would get so mad at myself and her, I told her ~5 weeks ago that I needed a break and haven't been back.
I just can't imagine that mental healthcare could ever help me, I hate them all and I'm always treated like I'm crazy or that my condition is severe even though I live a pretty normal life (graduated college recently despite difficulties and now work a job and live independently) and they can never articulate what's allegedly so wrong with me anyways.
The one time I was hospitalized I was treated as so crazy (and at the time I had never suspected I could be on the schizophrenia spectrum, I was only 18), and they lied about what they diagnosed me with, saying it was depression anxiety OCD, then when I looked at the paperwork years later (my fault) it said unspecified psychotic disorder (I think that's what it's called). And according to the Internet that means I should follow up on that and get evaluated for psychosis by someone else but tbh I think I was just basically diagnosed with female hysteria lol, because it was a male doctor and I was treated like I was not just crazy but extremely stupid. So I don't think that dx was legit at all.
Most days I really don't think there's anything wrong with me but sometimes I do, but it's not enough to stay in treatment long enough and DEFINITELY not enough to ever be medicated (literally my worst fear) even though my family urges me. I think my family overreacts too though because isolation is pretty normal and not dangerous for me but recently my mom said I'm playing some "sick game" by not talking to her which is just not true. I know isolation is rude to others but when I'm still telling them I'm fine I just don't get how it's THAT bad.
I know people need to be willing to get help to get help, and I don't want to get help so that makes me the problem, but idk how to make myself care about that. My therapist referred me to a psych eval (she literally wouldn't tell me the reason no matter how much I pushed so what am I even supposed to tell them when I make an appointment, how is there any such thing as a general psych eval? That makes no sense to me but I'm 10000% sure I'll come out of it with a diagnosis no matter how bullshit it is. getting misdiagnosed with autism is a real possibility for me since other therapists mentioned it before since it's trendy for them right now, it's just because I seem weird but autism doesn't match my internal experience at all.)
Anyway all this to say, I suspect that people with schizotypal or other non trusting people just never get diagnosed for this reason. Getting diagnosed and then believing it just seems counter to everything that's wrong with me if that makes sense lol.