Writing this from a place of frustration and loss of patience. My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for 8, in our 30s. We used to have a great sex life, but things have slowed town since having two young children. I’d say we probably average sex about twice per week. His biggest complaint used to be that I didn’t initiate sex ever. I have very deep insecurities and fear of rejection that go beyond sex that I’ve been working through, but have been the primary reason for my fear/ avoidance of being the one to initiate . We had really (like top 10) good sex last week, and I’ve been ready to go and wanting him all week. I tried initiating 4 times this week and he rejected me every. Single. Time.
He’s not feeling well, and has an autoimmune disorder that he struggles with at times- it impacts his energy and stress levels. I am trying so hard to be understanding, but the irrational part of my brain is confirming my worst fears; that he’s not sexually attracted to me anymore. I can sit here and let myself spiral and look for all the ways to confirm this is true: he didn’t get me an anniversary present or even flowers this year, I planned our anniversary date, I don’t remember the last time he planned a night out/date for us, he seems uninterested when I talk, he wouldn’t kiss me when we were having sex (said he thought he had bad breath), he chooses to sit on the chair instead of by me in the couch in the evenings, the list goes on.
Naturally, our relationship is under stress because of this season of life; young kids, lack of sleep, financial struggles, him feeling unfulfilled in his job. Because of these things, we’ve felt so far away from each other. One of the only ways I felt we were connecting intimately was through sex, and I’m struggling with the rejection, even though he has a completely valid and understandable reason to not want to.
When I’ve brought this up in the past, it’s a fight. Asking for reassurance reads to him as me blaming him for not wanting to have sex, and not giving him enough credit for the things he does for our family and relationship or not being understanding of his condition.
I’m just looking for some feedback for people who’ve been here before because I’m feeling so incredibly hopeless. I will stay in this relationship and work through the hard times we will inevitably have, but I’m so scared that I’m being a dumb ass and willfully blind to what he’s telling me with his actions.