My wife is a 1%er when it comes to alcohol, meaning 10-25 units every single day/night for decades. She is somehow a hard worker who takes care of household business very effectively, but her communication ability and self-reflection are garbage due to the booze. It’s been an issue for almost as long as we’ve been together and I’ve approached it from every conceivable angle except for violence. She invariably deflects, gaslights, gets crazy emotional, or even gets physically violent when I am persistent. I drink too but have wanted to quit for decades. Achieving any sober time just highlights how much I hate the effect of her drinking problem, and I always go back to keep the peace and give us some common ground (ugh, I know).
After yet another tense period, today I asked her if she loves me enough to take two nights off. Deflection and attacking me for asking “at a bad time” (it’s ALWAYS a bad time). I asked about just one night off, same result. I know the relationship is completely empty and have for a long time, but today seemed extra salient. Advice welcome, but thanks for letting me vent if you want to just move along. I think I am finally broken just in time for my 50th bday.