[18 M] Questioning sexuality
For simplicity, I've put M even though I'm nonbinary. But I consider my attraction to men gay (and attraction to women straight) anyway.
So I have a girlfriend. We've been together for a while now, and I'd say I'm fairly happy with how things are going. I'm a pretty anxious person, so we haven't done much. I think she's pretty. But I guess if I'm being honest with myself, sometimes I just want anyone I trust to be affectionate with. It wouldn't specifically need to be her
I mean, I know I prefer men at the very least (but haven't been w/ many). Usually, what I feel for women feels at least somewhat forced. Or it's mostly focused on what they can make me feel sexually or physically rather than what they feel. Still, I can find it hot or nice, I guess. In a sort of detached way? I really don't know how to describe it, because I think yk >!when a man eats a woman out, it's hot when she clamps her thighs around his head. But I don't really feel the need to be involved at all? Maybe I wanna be "the woman."!<
And I've imagined >!sucking men off!<, and I've imagined my gf as a man. The other day, I looked at her ass and just thought that if she were a guy, I'd probably be more attracted to her. I'm not even sure I'm actually sexually attracted to her.
Still, romantically speaking, I just. Don't know, I think I felt some romantic feelings for her. But they're not really around anymore. Still, she's great. Nothing is explicitly wrong in the relationship. I just assume I've worried myself too much about various things.
Every relationship has gone like this, I wanted a relationship, and when I got into it, I just wasn't really interested anymore. For now, I've been blaming it on my emotional repression and people pleasing issues. I'm working them out in therapy right now. But now I'm wondering if I could become long-term romantically attracted to men. Idk.
But even though I'm kinda satisfied, I can't help but kinda daydream about more. Idek how I'd talk to her about this without it making her terribly insecure, though. Sorry if this doesnt make complete sense btw.