My mom and sister are "moving on" from my dad's death and often make me feel out of place for not. It's making me not want to have a relationship with them. What do I do?
My dad died 2 years ago this past May. It was sudden and unexpected and we lost him in a month. I'm still hurting quite a lot, not in the day to day, but in the fact that his presence isn't here anymore and I feel alone. He was the parent I was closer to, My mom and I really didn't have a good relationship before my dad's death, and it's become even harder to communicate with her without him here. Hence why I'm so fed up at this point.
To keep this brief, here are some examples of what my mother has done related to this whole situation that makes our relationship difficult:
When my father first went into the hospital on my birthday, she did not call or text me. My sister did. The same thing happened again a month later when he died
She denied or downplayed how ill he was to his brother's (partially on his behalf) so they didn't get come down to see him prior to his passing
2 weeks after he died, she tells me how she can't go on with life by herself and she'll have to find someone eventually. 2 weeks.... my dad isn't even cremated yet.
So yea, she went to counseling and started dating a year and a half after his death. (37 years of their lives together, but only takes 1.5 years to get over. I get that we grieve differently, but damn. ) I tell her I'm extremely uncomfortable with anything to do with this relationship, want nothing to do with it and dont want to hear about it. Basically, a "you do you, but keep me out of it." Well she can't seem to respect that as it keeps trickling into our conversations, and it makes me wanna vomit.
I try to talk to my sister about it because maybe she would understand me a little, and all I get is a lot of excuses for our moms behavior. Or just "being logical" about things and downplaying things as "we all grieve differently", "it's her life.... she just wants to share it with you. "
But I dont wanna be a part of this. I dont want to be in a room with a person who is a constant reminder of the dad I want to be here. I dont want to spend my holidays with a stranger.... I'm tired of feeling gaslit because they're able to compartmentalize their grief better than me. I'm tired of feeling I'm wrong for being me and having boundaries because my remaining family members are so different from me and my dad that I'm made out to be the difficult one.
I'd rather just not or barely have a relationship with them at this point, and chill with my husband and dogs. Is that wrong?