I am a Delaware resident and often visit the beaches, and often visit restaurants, but it’s usually the same few, Dogfish Head, Thompson Island, Agave, Arenas, the Purple Parrot, Grottos, Nalu, you know, the usuals. I’m wondering what’s the BEST food y’all have had down in Lewes/Rehoboth area? What am I missing?
TLDR: Has anyone dealt with spouse/parental arguments, name calling, and how did you move forward with close relationships you don't want to lose? Sorry, i tried to keep the story short, but there is just so much necessary background. I tried to Bold the most important parts for the most recent confrontation, with a few paragraphs in the middle for more background
I want to try and keep this short, this has been building for a while, my mother can sometimes say things that come off as harsh, but I really don't think she's intentional. My wife, however, believes that she knows exactly what she's saying and means it, and also probably that my mother is a narcissist. She's often made kind of off hand comments about our decisions of things, from the clothes we dress out daughters in, to how often we take them to see a doctor, to other things. For example, back at Thanksgiving, my wife was in the other room breast feeding our 5 month old daughter and my mom was putting the last of the food on the table and said "OK! Time for grace!" and we said "Lets wait for Kayla" and then my mom said "Too late! I've been in her position before." Like it was completely unthinkable to wait, and also that it's ok to start without my wife because at some point in the past my mother had to deal with the same thing. Its usually things like that, I could put in some other examples, but it might get too long.
Anyway, fast forward about a month to the end of December, my parents invited us to their anniversary dinner with the rest of my siblings. We told them that we could attend, but that we've had to be very careful with my wife's diet because the new baby has been having digestion issues breastfeeding and that certain restaurants we would not be comfortable going to. My mother agreed not to go to those restaurants. Well, day of, she tells us the restaurant, and it was one of the ones we said we could not go to. My mother claims she did not remember the previous conversation (which happened only a few days prior), and sent a message giving suggestions for things on the menu that my wife may have been able to eat and said "aren't those good enough?". Well my wife was very upset and took the "aren't those good enough" as suggesting that my wife was "too good" for the restaurant. She wound up sending a group text expressing her feelings and saying that she would not be attending the dinner after all. Well, maybe some of the things she said in the text came off pretty harsh, because it was not well received by my mother or my sisters. and I'm in the middle trying to explain each side point of view to the other in the hopes of keeping things cordial.
Fast forward again, things have cooled off and we were able to spend Easter together, at least cordially, even though my wife knows that there's been a shift in her relationship with my sisters, whom she viewed as friends, but feels like neither of them has reached out to get her side of the anniversary debacle.
But now Mothers Day rolled around and my wife expressed that she didn't particularly want to go to brunch at my sister's house, which we were invited to. She said there was still tension and she did not want my mom saying something offhanded that could upset her on mothers day. So we told my sister that we couldn't make it and that we were going to reach out to my mom and maybe invite her to our house for a visit, thinking that she may be more polite at our house. My wife was also upset on mothers day for several reasons: Neither of my sisters (who my wife used to be close with) texted her happy mothers day, and when my mom did come over and my wife said "Happy Mothers Day" to my mother, she says that she kind of just smiled at her but didn't say anything back.
The following day, last Monday, I was picking my daughters up from my parents house (because they pick them up from daycare often) and my wife called me and said she'd like to come over and talk to my mother and try and clear the air. This was kind of a last minute decision on her part, I had no idea it was going to happen, but I figured they need to talk, might as well be now.
When my wife got there, the first thing my mother said was "What did I do now?"
That kind of set my wife off emotionally and began speaking in a raised voice (some would call it yelling) saying it's as if my mother thinks she's a victim (my wife's words) and doesn't want to listen to the way she makes people feel. She continued saying to my mother that her negative attitude ruins holidays for her even though she (my wife) has been making my family a priority even over her own family for years, and she said she thinks that my mother is selfish and dismissive and manipulative and that she's the reason why my sisters have been dismissive of her recently as well (she says that she thought my sisters were friends and the fact that they haven't reached out . She was heated. I was really trying to keep everything calm, but that wasn't working.
My mother was spending the whole time saying "I think the same thing about you." as well as saying things about how my wife has made similarly rude comments. At the end my wife said something along the lines of "Can you admit that this situation is your fault". Well my mother wouldn't admit that (who would?) and turned it back on my wife and said "Can you admit you had some fault" which my wife wouldn't do either.
Anyway, we left, and I expressed to my wife later on how unhappy I was with the level of the arguments, and some of the things that she said. I also said that she's allowed to feel the way that she does, and that my mother didn't help the situation by being so defensive immediately and like she wasn't even attempting to listen to what my wife was saying. My wife apologized to me for losing her temper and that maybe she didn't go about it the right way, but she has not yet apologized to my mother.
The next day, my mother stopped by and left a pot of flowers on the porch with a card asking if they can start over. I told my wife she should text a thank you for the flowers, because she can still be upset at my mom, but at least my mom is trying. It's been a week and she still hasn't sent a thank you, though she said she was going to. She said that my mom needs to "fix things with my sisters".
Honestly I think they're both being childish for different reasons, but I'm just at a loss on what to do. I had a very close relationship with my parents and now that's suffered.
TLDR: Has anyone dealt with spouse/parental arguments, name calling, and how did you move forward with close relationships you don't want to lose?