u/HolidayPatient7335

Just looking for casual texting buddies. It’s hard to make genuine friends when you’re in corporate and other friends have grown distant.

Open to casual, non-obligatory texting over reddit or discord. We can chat about anything, deep or funny. Life is hard, so I understand the need to vent sometimes.

Just a little bit about myself:
- I still watch Grey’s Anatomy
- I work in the professional services industry
- I try to go to the gym at least once or twice a week to make myself think that I am somewhat healthy
- I believe in therapy and I wish more people would see the benefits of it.

My (F31) partner (F30) has been unemployed for over a year now. She resigned without a job because she wasn’t happy at her previous workplace. I had thought she was just going to take a short break to recover from burnout, but it has been over a year and she still has not taken any action to start looking for a job. I understand what it’s like to feel a lack of motivation career wise, so I have not pushed her at all. She’s got enough savings to fall back on anyway.

However, due to a lack of income, she has been limiting the things we can do. We can’t dine out much, we can’t go for paid activities (musicals, shows, holidays, etc.) much. I have been wanting to go for a holiday for my birthday but she has been refusing. She doesn’t like going out on dates because going out equates to spending money. Although I offer to pay for things I want to do, like going on dates and holidays, she has said many times she doesn’t want me to pay because I should be saving money too even though I hold a proper full time corporate job. I can get subsidised housing in a few years time, and she has said numerous time she can’t wait for me to have my own place so that she no longer has to put up with living with her family.

Finances aside, she doesn’t want to go out because she feels tired all the time despite not doing anything at all. A typical day for her is waking up at an odd hour (could be lunch time or dinner time) have a coffee and maybe a snack, no proper meal, stay up through the night watching shows or playing an online game, then goes back to sleep when it’s daytime. Sometimes, she sleeps for over 24 hours. As of the time of writing this post, she has been asleep for almost 32 hours. She says when she’s not replying or texting me, it’s only because she’s sleeping, that she’s not out gallivanting somewhere. We don’t live together so I can’t verify that. But sometimes I’m not sure whether to believe, because she’s so concerned about expenses when she’s already limiting expenses with us, and she’s always lacking energy despite not doing anything and getting so much rest.

She has cancelled plans on me multiple times and is never truly apologetic about it. Many times I end up buying food to her place due to canceled plans, just so that we could meet. It’s also a way for me to ensure she’s eating proper. But I recently raised my unhappiness about it, and she told me I no longer have to get food for her anymore, completely missing the point that I’m more unhappy about cancelled plans. Since then, she hasn’t had a proper meal because she wouldn’t cook for herself, nor does she want to spend money on food delivery. It’s now the fourth day of her having gone without a proper meal and I am concerned.

I am frustrated at her lack of discipline, and her lack of consideration for me as a partner. She often cancels on me without considering how it would make me feel. And despite all the free time she has had since quitting her job, she hasn’t done anything nice for me. Not once has she come down to my work place to have lunch with me, not once has she surprised me after work. She doesn’t do a single thing all day, she doesn’t do chores, she doesn’t exercise. When I’m at her place on weekends, I have to clean up her room and do her chores, such as laundry, with her. Yet despite not doing anything, she’s always too tired to do anything with me or for me.

Has anyone been in a similar situation before? Anytime I try to explain my perspective, she takes it as me picking on her and it’s impossible to get her to change. Is sleeping for such extended hours even normal???

Tl;dr - unemployed partner doesn’t want to do anything, uses lack of energy and money as reasons to cancel plans time and again. Any attempt to communicate my unhappiness on the receiving end of her lack of care is futile. All she wants to do is sleep and do completely nothing.